Well you're not. I went through a bad breakup 3 years ago. Not to mention, it didn't happen overnight. It was a slow motion of unraveling revelations, about him, about me, about us. Trying to discuss it with my friends seemed pointless. Up to then, most of them haven't settled down with anyone yet. They had no idea how much it hurt. Of course they went through breakups in the past, but my ex boyfriend was "the one" to me. He was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. What happened? I was blindsided that we reached that point of no return. It hurt a lot and it took some time for me to feel ok to move forward. Mostly because I did not know what the plan was for me anymore. It was always me and him, and now it's me trying to figure what I want to do next.
The first 2 years without him hurt a lot, but the following year, I started to feel comfortable within myself. I was having a good time with my friends again, and we did a lot of things together that year. Then Spring of 2014 happened, and my mom found out that her husband had a terminal illness. The rest of the year was watching him deteriorate to basically nothing when he finally passed away in Feb 2015. Death is a process, too, just like a breakup, but the effects are forever haunting. I realized how blessed I am that my ex is ok because I saw how hard it is for my mom to not see her husband again. I want my ex to be happy. I also am pulling for him to find his happiness since it wasn't with me.
Now here I am, 5 years later, trying to make sure my mom doesn't feel lonely, seeing my friends settle down with weddings, children, and moving in together scenarios, and me with my blog. I remember jotting down the crazy things going on in my life and thinking, how did I end up HERE? I think for the most part, we've all figured out that life isn't necessarily the way we thought it would be. But for me, the only choice I have is to keep going. Change is inevitable. Whether you like it or not, it happens, and we have to adapt. I know it's hard when you want things to be "easier" on you, but let's fact it. Life isn't easy, but it can be beautiful. Trust me.
It's been a little over 3 weeks since New Year's Eve. I hope everyone out there are on track with their resolutions!! The days leading up to New Year's was a little scattered. First up, I started to feel yucky. My throat was feeling funny. I was tired. And the text messages started to come in. What were my plans? Where was I going? My first thought was home to take care of this sore throat. The last thing I wanted to do was get sick on New Year's Eve. I knew for a fact I did not want to be out somewhere crazy because of the last couple of years' craziness. I wanted to feel safe and sound and with the company of friends. My girlfriend who had her baby back in July was hosting a gathering at her place in the suburbs. I agreed to spend it over there.
I ended up dressing up although most were dressed down. lol. I guess I should have asked first what was going on. We watched the countdown live on tv, played games such as Family Feud, and joked around the rest of the night. I felt content that I made the right choice by celebrating low key, but it was there I also had an idea for a New Year's resolution. Now it's time to work for it!
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| Our friends are now having families! It's crazy!! |
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| Mother and son and me |
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| Good times with the girls! |
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| Group shot! |
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