February in a nutshell...

I'm finally re-capping February, and in a nutshell, it was the most difficult month to share.  My mother's husband was sleeping more than usual, but his body was undergoing changes that was hard to grasp.  I kept low key for the most part.  My real dad had a family dinner at his house for my brother's birthday.  It was nice being able to see my dad and his wife.  My brother appreciated the gesture considering everything that was happening to my mom.

Check out my brother's smile!  He loved his birthday dinner...

 

 

 Puting on a brave face at Kincades for Fat Tuesday

 

The following week my friend gathered up a small group to celebrate Fat Tuesday.  It was freezing that day but that didn't stop us from having a drink to catch up.  By this time, the mayoral election was the talk of the town in Chicago.  It definitely helped to step out for a bit to clear my mind up.  I was super tensed by this point.  The following week on Monday my mother's husband passed away.  My mom noticed that his breathing was changing, so she called her brother and his wife to come by for support.  Once they showed up he stopped breathing.  I was coming home from work myself when my aunt called me to tell me what was happening.  It was a chain reaction.  I called my brothers and we all headed over to my mother's.  I truly believed God was with us that day.  He knew my mother couldn't handle being alone when he passed.  For that I'm forever grateful in love and prayer.  He brought us there to console her.  He brought my family together...





End of month closing

I can't believe July is coming to a close.  I swear time travels quicker than before.  I'm always amazed at the change of events that happen in such a short amount of time.  I can't imagine what my mom must feel like.
Back in January, it was apparent that time was ticking against us with my mom's husband.  He was sleeping longer.  He was barely awake at times.  His tumor was peeping out of his nose.  He was getting very thin.  At times my mom would break down and tell us how hard it was to see him like this.  It made everyone feel helpless.
Since I started the new year with some new resolutions, some of them stayed the same as past years.  Stay healthy.  Continue to workout.  Be a better daughter to my mom and spend more time with my family.  But I also included to treat myself to at least something new and exciting, once a month.  I was already getting the winter blues.  I needed to spice things up for a minute, and that's when Sam Smith came into town.  Best thing I've done so far in 2015! 
But as the month of January was closing, one of my good friends wanted to have a big birthday bash to also spice things up.  We joke that her birthday is in the dead of winter, but I like her spirit in planning a birthday party.  She decided to have it at Drumbar which is located at the Rafaello Hotel. 
I wore a purple lace dress with black tights and heels to the party.  I have the dress in black (which I wore on New Year's Eve) and loved it so much I got it in purple.  I'm not big on dresses.  I have to REALLY like a dress in order to buy one.  I've definitely rotated my dresses over the years, and have always taken great care of them because they've lasted so long.  I take care of my things.
Anyway, the birthday girl treated herself to a bright green BCBG dress and was the belle of the ball.  I loved seeing all of my friends.  It was fun.  It was also freezing that night, but it was nice to have such a great turn out for a January party.  We drank well and danced around and had a blast.  I've made some wonderful memories that night, trust me.  lol

 

Flashback Friday to my evening with Sam Smith!

It's funny blogging about what happened 6 months ago in the dead of winter when it's 90 degrees outside.  So far Chicago has had a crappy summer this year.  Who would have predicted thunderstorms and highs reaching the 70s?  Despite people complaining about our heat wave today, I welcome it!  I'm a summer baby and absolutely LOVE the heat!  I complain when it's too cold.  And with Chicago being bipolar, you learn to live with the constant changes and go out and about. 
Back in January, Sam Smith was coming to the UIC Pavillion.  I had no one to go with, so I bought a ticket for myself.  Since I've been single for a few years, I'm still learning to do things on my own.  It's an adjustment especially coming from a 7 year relationship.  I always had my man by my side, and luckily we enjoyed the same things.  He was my best friend.
But now it's me, myself and I.  I never realized how people might have a problem being SINGLE.  It's not the same as being alone, but for some people they're synonyms.  I have a good set of friends that like to get together and do stuff, so I was fine at first.  But of course, as time went on, they all paired up and I'm left trying to figure out how to amuse myself.
Sam's tickets were pretty steep, too.  I felt bad asking someone to pay so much for an artist they may not be crazy about.  But I was crazy about him.  I knew he was nominated for multiple Grammys and  was at the start of his career.  Plus I needed to do something to get my mind off what was happening with my family.  I needed a break from life.  I bought my ticket and off I went!
I made my way down there and even had time to purchase a t-shirt from the vendors.  I was excited.  I got a glass of wine and went to find my seat.  I loved the diversity of the concert goers too!  All different ethnicities, ages, just to see this man with the "voice".  I had watched him earlier last year from the Today show, and SNL.  He was quiet shy on stage and didn't say much.
Once the curtain dropped and we heard the first note, we knew we were about to encounter something special.  His voice is truly angelic!  The crowd would not stop screaming for him!  I felt overwhelmed with joy.  To think I was going to pass this up because I had no one to go with.  HA!
Never again.  Never again will I let my fear of being "alone" rob me from a beautiful experience.  I truly had a wonderful evening by myself, with no distractions but me and Sam.  I felt blessed!
Towards the end of this summer I will be traveling again.  This time I might end up alone, for my friend won't be able to join me til later on.  I'm petrified, but also excited to see how I would spend this time by myself.  I think I'll be just fine...

Got nosebleed seats, but the UIC Pavillion is not a huge venue.

Sam is smiling.  He is getting confident with his fame. 

PACKED HOUSE!



His multi Grammy wins are justified!  He sounds better live!

Throwback Thursday to the longest month of the year...

I hate January.  From Thanksgiving on life is a fast paced ride all the way to New Year's Eve. In January, it's another story.  Time stops.  It drags.  Everyone's broke.  And in Chicago, the weather is brutal. 
I DID have some little events going on to keep me occupied on what was going on with my family.  My mom's husband was sleeping a lot lately.  Whenever I stopped by to visit, he would be knocked out in the living room.  They set up his hospital bed there since there was more room to install it.  Me and my mom would talk quietly in the dining room.  But she was drained.  There was nothing TO do in that house but sleep.  She would turn in early herself. 
One of my friends had a little party at a Logan Square Bar called East Room.  It's funny because we all wore our down filled coats since it was freezing outside, not knowing they did not have a coat check!  I hate lugging around a fat coat.  We made the most of it and caught up with one another from the holidays.  I was already tired of wearing dark colors so I opted for my white jeggings.  Sometimes you have to break out of the winter rut.
The following weekend I was invited to another birthday party at Y Bar lounge in River North.  They were celebrating 3 birthday parties at once and the girls all wore white for their day.  I wore a sweater dress and paired it over my faux leather leggings.  Since we didn't have so much snow yet in the beginning of the year, I wore my patent leather pumps out.  I need to get another pair for these brutal winters.  They are the reasonable choice if you don't want to ruin a good pair of pumps.  All you have to do is wipe off the snow!  Believe it or not, the club was packed!  I love the fact that Chicagoans make it out regardless of the weather conditions.  I had fun that night.
Then the following weekend my little cousin turned 8 years old.  Despite just family being there, he enjoyed being pampered on his big day.  Birthdays should be special no matter what time of year it lands on, but I can see how winter birthdays can be conflicting.  Luckily he had a blast!

Celebrating at the East Room in Logan Square

Birthday girl!

I layered out for this night out...

The 3 birthday girls wore white!

My little cousin counting his candles...

Time for some cake!

Time heals all wounds...

Since I'm still technically behind 6 months of posting, it's coming to the point where it got dark for me and my family.  The thought of my mom being a widow has been stuck in my head for a couple of years now.  Her husband survived 3 heart attacks in the past 6 years.  As soon as he turned 50 years old, his health changed.  I think our health is something we sometimes take for granted.  He LOVED red meat, was a smoker, and basically ate whatever he wanted.  I'm not sure if he regularly exercised, but he was also out of work for some years, so he stuck around the house from then on.  Since he was diagnosed from April 2014 of a terminal illness, he did get into a depression.  It was starting to sink in for him that his time was running out.
My mom got in a panic mode because she wanted to be by his side all the time.  The problem was he sometimes wanted to be left alone.  He grew agitated and angry and would take it out on her.  His body ached.  He was growing weak and everything hurt.  I knew he was physically suffering, but mentally he was too, and it was affecting my mom as well.  She would look at him helplessly.  All I could do was try to brighten up the mood but he looked annoyed if anything. 
I would struggle going over there to visit.  I felt as if I shouldn't be there at all; that my presence was making things worse.  Sometimes my mom would tell me not to come by.  He was having a bad day she would say.  It's not fair to tell someone to lighten up when they're dying.  It's not a justified thought at all.  For some months it seemed normal to come by and check up on both of them.  But once the holidays hit, he was growing thinner and thinner, and we knew something was happening again.  To see a man deteriorate the way he did was the hardest thing I've ever witnessed.  To see my mom cry to herself was the hardest thing I've ever witnessed also.  He was suffering and there was nothing we could do.  He hated taking morphine, but at least he would knock out for hours.  He was barely awake now.  The tumor was coming out of his nose.  His tears would bleed.  This was not how things were suppose to happen. 
I was growing angry.  Angry to the point that I knew what was happening wasn't "fair".  Why is he going through this?  That's a dangerous mindset to enter, but I was going there.  In a spiritual sense, it doesn't make things easier when you start questioning God.  If anything, you're stepping out of line.  But it happens.  It happens to a lot of people when Life isn't fair, but it's important to remember that we ALL WILL BE TESTED AT ONE POINT IN TIME.  Tested by a higher power.  Tested by your sanity.  Tested by loved ones.  It's a fact of life and how you handle it will determine the outcome.
I'm writing this today because 6 months ago I was angry.  But it passed.  This whole ordeal DID pass. Although my mom is still adjusting to her new life without him, IT PASSED.  Time does heal all wounds.  We weathered this storm but it was a long one for us.  Never lose hope that things won't get better because they do.  All you need is FAITH and it WILL pass... 

Throwback Thursday to New Year's Eve 2014

Tonight I'm having dinner at my mom's.  As usual, summer brings a lot of activities which makes it hard to blog.  I went a little crazy in June, but I'm almost done reminiscing 2014.  Looking back I see how difficult things were for my mother.  She's still adjusting to getting a routine down.  Flashback to 6 months ago on New Year's Eve.  I remembered how much I wanted 2014 to be over.  It's finally here!  The last night of the year!  Time to move forward to bigger and brighter things.  The problem was, there was still that dark cloud around us.  My mom's husband was still around.  He was still dying.  And it was affecting my mom terribly. 
He made it through the summer.  Actually, things seemed to have stabilized.  It was weird because he was fine.  He would sit outside and watch people on the front porch during the summer.  My mom was very nervous to leave him alone at the house.  She walked out of her job and was out of work for 2 months.  She wanted to be with him.  But since everything was "ok", she eventually went back to work in the fall.  Not to mention, sitting around the house was making her restless.  It was a strange time for our family.
Around Thanksgiving is when things were still good.  We had a great dinner and he enjoyed himself.  My family participates in a grab bag for gifts but he had a different agenda.  Up until Christmas he ended up getting gifts for everyone.  It made my mom nervous because he was spending so much money.  But he wanted to do this. 
I noticed the physical changes during that time.  Something was happening again.  He was beginning to look different.  And he was getting weaker.  I knew our time was limited with him.  But I needed a break.
Although me and my brothers are around for the holidays, New Years is a different story.  We usually hang out with our own friends.  I knew that it would be wrong to do this to my mom, but I needed a moment to just be myself.  I felt so selfish.  It was hard seeing him like this.  It was hard seeing my mom care for him.  I figured I'll throw the idea out there and see if she needed me around.  My brothers had their own plans.  But I'm the daughter.  Daughters are different.
I was invited to a house party (which I liked because I didn't want to be at some overpriced, super packed nightclub).  I wanted to be with my close friends.  Plus it was freezing that night.  Definitely did not want to hop around. 
I called up my mom and asked her what was she planning on doing for the night.  She had just made dinner and her husband was sleeping.  He's been sleeping a lot lately.  And then she dropped the bomb.  She was laid off from work.
I grew furious!  Who does such a thing to an employee on New Year's Eve?  My heart sank as well.  I grew so worried.  What about the bills??  What about her mortgage??
She asked me what was my agenda for the evening and I told I was invited to a house party.  A Russian house party.  They were going to have champagne and caviar and crepes.  Supposedly it's a Russian tradition on New Year's Eve. 
She was excited for me.  But I confessed that I felt I should be with them.  "Go to your party", she insisted.  "I was just going to make dinner and head to bed myself.  There's nothing going on over here.  I don't really care for New Years."
I went to the party.  It was nice.  Unfortunately, I felt so out of place.  I didn't want to bring in the new year like this.  Feeling worried and unsure about the future.  My nerves were getting the best of me.  I wanted to try to look happy at least, but none of my friends really knew how miserable I was feeling.
Luckily, I DO have great friends.  With the nights festivities, we ate cream cheese and crepes dipped with caviar!  It was something so new to me, I loved every minute of it!  We played Cards Against Humanity.  Whenever I grew nervous, I would shut down for a moment, only to be pulled back into having more champagne and appetizers. 
I don't think my friends will ever know how grateful I was for them being there and for also just letting me be.  They knew times were tough, so they knew how to back down and not overcrowd me, but at that same time, check up on me from time to time to see if I was ok.  I'm blessed to have them in my life.  I'm a very lucky woman... 

Everyone was to bring a bottle of champagne!  Check out that selection...

Caviar with crepes along with butter and cream cheese!

Me and my girl.  We both had a tough year...

Cards Against Humanity!  Perfect chilled New Year's Eve with friends...