Natale Con La Famiglia

I can’t believe I am recapping Christmas Eve on my blog.  I apologize for not keeping up.  The holidays along with other personal issues kept me away for a bit.  I needed a break in remembering how the year ended.  For the most part, I have yet to make any resolutions for 2018.  It’s not that I am slacking on myself.  These recent events took me by surprise, and I am slowly nursing myself back to normal.  This weekend I am planning on visiting my friend in Michigan.  We will be celebrating her birthday.  For the most part, she is bummed out about some things not working out for her and I decided on the last minute to visit her.  I know how it feels when things take you by surprise.

I want everyone to know, it’s ok to take some time off for yourself to regroup.  Life can be hard (I just never imagined how hard it can be when you lose someone).  Last year, I knew 5 people that passed away suddenly.  It is a growing reminder for me that I am getting older, but also that Life can be incredibly unfair.  I never in a million years want anyone to go through the hardships I’ve witnessed.  Seeing friends and family hurt broke my heart.

As a result, I felt incredibly guilty around Thanksgiving.  I knew I needed to get away (for myself mostly) and I did in early December.  But then the holidays were creeping up again, and I felt the sudden urge of sadness.  I can now see how the holidays can trigger strong emotions when someone passes away.  

Luckily, my friends and family knew of my struggles and were very helpful once more.  I didn’t realize that even recapping these sad moments could take me back to that time, but now that weeks have passed, I’m am getting excited for things to come.  The next few months will be filled with lots of planning, and hopefully I will share the news soon of what’s to come.

Back to recapping Christmas Eve!

I was out the night before with my friend who came into town for the holidays.  As a result of us getting a little crazy, we woke up to the sight of a blanket of snow.  This snowfall came out of nowhere.  We grabbed brunch and then we went home to rest up.  It was Christmas Eve and we knew it was going to be a full night ahead of us once more.

My brothers picked me up and we headed to my aunt’s place.  This was her first time hosting this year, and we enjoyed our night there.  My step brother also showed up which was a nice surprise. 

I got a bunch of gift cards which I can’t wait to use.  I am looking forward to this weekend in Michigan.  I am thinking this is the year I might visit my friends who have moved away from Chicago.  That could be a possible New Year’s Resolution…   

Shameless

Due to recent circumstances, I will be posting less frequently in order to take some time for myself.  Unfortunately, I’ve been hit with too many personal issues at once, and it’s beginning to take a toll on me.  I’ve been having a hard time sleeping, have been ill with a cold/cough, and feeling overwhelmed.  Despite this turn of events, I feel the need to be close to loved ones more than ever.  Some of my recent posts are bringing me back to the start of all of this.  I have to admit, it’s very hard for me.

Columbus Day weekend, my friend was visiting from out of town.  I was very excited to see her.  We use to work with each other back when I first started retail.  I loved our friendship very much.  When she left Chicago I was sad, but luckily she comes into town pretty often to visit her family.  On this trip we scheduled to see each other that Sunday.  We made plans to go to the mall.

Well that didn’t happen of course.  Lol.  She picked me up and confessed that she wasn’t feeling well herself, and wanted to go back to her sister’s place and chill like we use to do.  I didn’t mind one bit, but she did have a request for me.  She wanted to see the house from the series “Shameless.”  Even though I am a native Chicagoan, I didn’t recognize the show.  I rarely watch tv and it’s been that way for me for a while.  Most of the times, I have no idea what people are talking about when they mention Game of Thrones or Stranger Things.  I rather read a good self-help book.

We drove down to the neighborhood and tried to find the address.  My friend recognized it right away but we were unaware that people did reside in the house.  There was a family bbq happening in the front lawn, and we looked like stalkers driving up to it very slowly.  Despite my pleas to leave, my friend insisted I take a quick pic before she put the pedal to the medal.  I got the money shot and we drove away like bandits. 

Back at her sister’s we shared our little adventure.  Only she can make me do something so silly like that.  I miss her very much.  I wish we could work together like we use to.  We had a lot of fun when we did…

The Money Shot-  Shameless House 

When Darkness Falls...

I’m recapping the last weekend in July.  It was a tough one.  Since August is flying by, I realized how I’ve been in a funk ever since.  It’s been a tough summer for me mentally.  There’s been some amazing moments for me, which I adore because summer is a fun season.  Yet, as fast as those wonderful times entered my life, they left just as quickly.  It’s hard.

My mom suffered another anxiety attack.  I wasn’t too worried about it at first.  We had some pretty hot weeks in July, and she mentioned how it was hard for her to breathe sometimes.  I warned her that the humidity was high and she might be having seasonal allergies.  I told her to take it easy and she insisted that she would. 

That weekend of the white party was a long weekend for me.  Since I wanted to see my favorite dj, I stayed out until 5am that Saturday.  Once Sunday came and went, I decided to use a personal day to run some errands.  I thought about my mom, but since I spoke to her the night before, she seemed to be feeling better.  I relaxed the whole day, and when the time came to call her in the evening, I got the shock I didn’t see coming.  She told me she admitted herself to the hospital.  I freaked out of course, but then she reassured me that the doctors didn’t find anything physically wrong.  She had suffered an anxiety attack.

My heart broke into pieces.  I started to cry when she told me the doctors advised her to see a therapist.  Here we are once more.  Two years ago, when my mom returned to work after the death of her husband, she did therapy for two months before she quit.  She just didn’t see what the point was.  

I cried because I want my mom to WANT to get better.  She’s been stressing herself out ever since she put the house on sale.  We’ve had four prospective buyers that in the end backed out.  The pressure is on because my mom is afraid this house will be sitting on the market too long.  I get it.

She decided to have a yard sale to downsize her belongings.  Me and my family came by to support her.  She did well that Saturday and got rid of a lot of stuff.  I was watching her like a hawk, but she seemed to enjoy having us around.

My friend invited me out for drinks afterwards.  I waited a while for her.  Right before she picked me up, I got news that someone we knew had passed away suddenly.  I was in shock.

Once we went out, my friend could tell something was off with me, but she had her own drama going on, so we focused on her.  It was a lot for me to process, so I stood quiet for most of the night.  Not one of my best nights out and I wanted that day to be over.

The next day, me and my family went back to check on my mom’s yard sale.  I was mostly quiet there too.  I was in a loss for words.  I just want everyone to be ok.  But the more I look around, I feel that the people I love are suffering in their own way.  I feel so helpless. 

In the end, my mom made some good money getting rid of some stuff.  We also ended up getting another offer for the house.  So far, this one is going through.

  

West Fest Weekend Part 2

I’m behind as usual on my posts.  It’s now August and I have so many recaps for July.  This past weekend was a difficult one for me.  I am stressed out but mostly because of the people around me.  Everyone is troubled in their own way and I cannot help them.  I also received some disturbing news which made me sink even deeper.

As we speak, I’m trying to book another trip.  I seriously have to tune out of Chicago for now.  I feel bad but I need this time to myself.  Leaving the country is the only way I can truly escape.  Plus I really don’t have much going on at the time.  I’m feeling overwhelmed.  Right now work for once is ok.  I have to take some days off since I’ve accumulated so many.  I might as well plan a trip.

I need to be selfish for a bit.  If things are truly an emergency people know where to reach me. 

I originally made plans to go to West Fest that Sunday.  But at the last minute some other friends reached out to me and I headed over there later in the evening on Saturday.  We didn’t make it a late night in the end but I had fun.  The next day I went to church and relaxed for a bit before I started to get ready for Sunday’s meet up.  At the last minute one friend backed out and it was me and another girl.  We’re mutual friends of our friend who backed out, hence we’ve never really hung out together.  But we decided to meet up regardless.  Most of my friends have moved away and I need to increase my social circle.  I got ready.

What a surprise Sunday it was!  Turns out my other friend was going to be there with a group of girls later on and at the last minute, my friend who has a baby was going to come into town for it as well!

In the beginning it was me and the girl and we chatted about our travels to Europe.  She’s traveled a lot more than me and I was very much interested in her stories.  Once it got later in the evening, more people showed up and it got pretty hectic.  Not to mention, the texts were coming in on trying to locate everybody.  Lol.  I ran into so many people I knew, but it all happened unexpectedly.  I seriously think people should try to get married at West Fest.  People from your past will come out of the woodworks!  

 

Let's Laugh!

Despite having a somber weekend with my family, the rest of the week I was hoping for something more uplifting.  I do not like being in a sad state of mind for too long, especially since I have to be strong for my mom.  With the recent health scare of a family member, as well as the death of a family friend, my mom has been very sensitive lately.  Depression can sneak up on people, and for now it wouldn't do us any good if we're both suffering.
I got a chance to have dinner with a friend later on that Thursday, but because of the funky mood I had with so much going on with my family, I ruined a good evening out.  I could not get out of my cranky mood and I feel terrible about this.  As we get older, receiving bad news wears down your tolerance.  You have to learn how to understand what's happening, as well as control your emotions.  It's easier said then done, but you don't want someone to be at the receiving end of your wrath because you are going through some hardships.  They are innocent in all of this and no one wants to be the person who snaps off all the time.  It's not a great feeling, trust me.
I did my best to control my issues following the rest of the evening, but the next day I was still bummed about how I acted the night before.  Little did I know my mood was going to change because of  my friend.  She wanted to celebrate her birthday that Friday at a comedy club in Schaumburg.  I couldn't help but think maybe this wasn't a good idea.  Friday traffic could make a 20 minute commute turn into an hour and a half.  Not to mention, none of my friends have heard of this comedian before, hence making us feel suspicious if we should bother coming out there at all.  My friend insisted this comedian was good and has seen his youtube videos.  She was the only one familiar with his work.  We all agreed to make her wishes come true since this is what she wanted to do for her birthday.  Off we went to the Chicago Improv Comedy Club for Jo Koy. 
Me and my friend were the first ones there, followed by her boyfriend.  Things started to get complicated when they told us all of our party had to be present in order for us to be seated.  How was that going to happen on a Friday night during rush hour?  We sent a group text letting everyone know what was up.  Luckily they allowed us to be seated after we had 6 guests.  The people at the door were very helpful with our situation.  They insisted they will let our other party join us once they arrived. 
Jo Koy was HILARIOUS!!!  We couldn't stop laughing!  This was something we all needed.  One of my friends had a baby 6 weeks ago.  This was her first night away from her son.  Another couple had a baby sitter so they were having a date night as well.  My other friends are always in a good spirits, so it was fun to see us all laughing along.  It was the best surprise that we could imagine!  The birthday girl had a blast as well.  If it wasn't up to her, we would never have done this.  I would definitely suggest anyone that is in a funk to go do something you normally would not do, and give it a chance.  You might be surprised what an adventure it could be!  As for that night, it was a perfect evening for us.  Life was good again.

  

With the anticipation of the Cubs possibly winning the World Series, many Chicagoans cannot stop talking about tonight's game.  It's no secret how long we've had a drought obtaining the championship, but what fascinates me is the die-hard fans that have been waiting for this moment their entire lives.  My brothers are HUGE fans of the Cubs.  Even though they love all of our Chicago teams, baseball definitely runs in their blood.  Back when we were kids growing up, my brothers fell in love with the 1984 Chicago Cubs.  There were so many good players in that team, it felt as though they were truly heroes in our city.  We use to live a couple of blocks away from Wrigley Field when we were kids.  I remember clearly looking out the window and seeing all the drunken fans walk by.  I use to think they were having so much fun.  I couldn't wait to grow up and join them.
Unfortunately, that year we didn't make it to the World Series.  My younger brothers were heartbroken about the loss.  My impact on sports changed quickly, and I never grew fond of it ever since.  Yes, I've joined the bandwagon of fans whenever one of our teams are winning.  I'm guilty of this.  Who doesn't love a winning team?  It's an amazing feeling to be a part of, yet the losing part is what scares me.  I see how depressed fans get.  For me, I never understood placing my sense of happiness on the outcome of a game.  I know my reason for this is because I have no love for sports whatsoever, but I cannot pass judgment when I've seen first hand how much it means to my brothers.  I have not followed any games this season, but I will pray for the fans to get the outcome they want so they could witness a World Series team in their lifetime.
The one thing that has made me baffled on the road for the championship is the sense of entitlement fans have when it comes down to their beloved Chicago Cubs.  They  assume we have the right to win because "it's long overdue".  I can understand the loyalty of fans cheering them on every year, but the reality is, EVERYONE wants their team to win.  Just like the fairytale ending we all hope to acquire one day, as time moves on in, we see how not everyone will get what they feel they deserve out of life.  It doesn't make them unworthy of such an ideal circumstance  It just means it's not for everyone.  Maybe something else was meant for our paths, but just like wishing the Cubs win the World Series, we have to grasp the concept that some things are just not meant to be.  For the meantime, let us remember to continue to live harmoniously with one another for a peaceful existence for our well being.  And GO CUBS!   

Family Time...

That same weekend I celebrated the birthday of my friend at Bar Deville, I also spent some time with my family.  The next day I went for coffee and cake to celebrate my little cousin's birthday.  She is still in high school, but she's growing up to be a wonderful young woman!  I'm so proud of her!  It was also the first time I got to see my mom since I've been back from my trip.  My mom was on a hectic work schedule and had only one day off.  The hotel is swamped right now, so we decided to see each other when she returned to a regular work week.  She did come by my uncle's house to wish my cousin happy birthday.  My uncle's mother was there too.  Unfortunately, her health is not so great, so for the  most part, my mom was attending to her.  I know my mom takes these things very personal with everything that she's been through these past 2 years.  I can see how hard it is for her to process bad news.  At one point I tried to make my mom feel a little bit better by giving her the postcards I got for her from Greece.  She loved them! 
To make matters worse, there was also the sudden death of a family friend.  He passed away that Friday night during rush hour.  My mom told me the news later on that evening.  His wake was the next day.  Me and my brother decided to go pay our respect that Sunday.  My mom was going to pass by our friend's place on her day off that following Tuesday.  I got chills pulling up to their apartment in Hyde Park.  Me and my brothers use to play with his kids, so it brought a lot of good memories back.  I miss those times!  We had so much fun.  I feel bad that my family lost their friend, and seeing his kids mourn their dad brought tears to my eyes.  They miss him so much!  We caught up with the daughters and met their new families.  They hold a special place in my heart.
I knew this was going to hit close to home with my mom.  She did came by after all and spoke to his widow.  They've been married for 40 years!  For me, personally, I'm glad I got to see my family during these difficult times of loss and anxiousness.  I pray that we continue to support one another. No one should have to go through this alone.  Life is precious!

Mother's Day

Sunday was Mother's Day and I snapped at my mom.  Yes, it sounds truly horrible, but I couldn't help it.  It came out of no where.  Part of me knows I didn't do the right thing.  Yet I am proud of it.  I want her to be aware that I AM AWARE that something is not right.  Let me explain...
I told my brothers ahead of time that I wanted to take my mom out to dinner for Mother's Day.  I figured if she works (which she usually does on Sundays) that it would be nice for her to come home and not worry about dinner.  I know it's traditional to take mom out for brunch, but dinner would better for us and it wouldn't be as crowded.  Let's face it.  Sometimes parents can be tricky.  Because I know my mom so well, I knew she would put up a fight and try to knock the idea down.  "You don't have to do anything.  Everyday is Mother's Day."  I wouldn't take no for an answer.  I told her we would pick her up and that's that.
When I went with my mom to her doctor's appointment two weeks ago, I got a chance to enjoy her company more because we were out of the house.  I am terribly allergic to her dog, not to mention my asthma kicks in as well.  She hates putting the dog away because he yelps so much and she feels guilty.  Meanwhile me and my other brother are dying and have to always cut our visits short to an hour or so.  We both take 24 hour allergy medication but those things only work for 2 hours max.  Then my wheezing sets in and I have to go.  It's a nuisance because we can't stay as long as we'd like.  Her dog means the world to her so it puts all of us in a bind.  What can you do?   
I figured my plan was fool proof but I could tell that she looked tired from work and really didn't want to go back out for dinner.  We settled at one of our favorite restaurants that's a few blocks away.  Las Tablas is a favorite of Chicagoans for good Colombian food since 1991.  We started to look over the menu.  I have been craving their chicken plate for months and was excited to order.  My mom, not so much.  "I think I'm going to have the soup," she said.  "SOUP???  We didn't come all the way here for you to order soup!!  Order something mommy!  You need to eat!"  I think I took everyone by surprise when I snapped but I couldn't help it.  She's lost a lot of weight and it's noticeable.  She had soup that day when I treated her to lunch after her doctor's appointment.  She needs to eat even if she doesn't feel like it.  I think back to some of our nightly conversations where she's mentioned how tired she is; how she's going straight to bed and not having any dinner because she's not hungry.  She's tired because she's depressed.  It sucks because for over 4 weeks they have scheduled her days off separately and not back to back.  She is so close to retiring but she's not getting the proper rest that she deserves.  She's a 65 year old woman who wants her full retirement.  She is pushing herself.  She's also gone through so much in a short amount of time.  She was going to therapy at one point but because of her work schedule changing her days off from week to week, she had trouble keeping her appointments.
I know she's depressed and I feel terrible about it.  I also think she has her good days and bad days.  We managed to continue our dinner and had some laughs.  There was someone at the restaurant who was taking pictures of all the families.  I thought it was a great idea and she loved her photo.  It was a sweet gesture on their part.  We continued catching up even when our dinner was over.  That's the one thing that did make the dinner impersonal.  We weren't quite in our dining room.  We were at a restaurant and we had to make our way out of there.
Yesterday we met up again at my mom's house for dinner.  She had both her days off back to back again, so she wanted to make dinner for us.  I made sure I took my 24 hour Allegra before I got there.  We had a nice time gossiping on family stuff.  She looked good.  In a few short months, her life will get a lot easier.  I can't wait...

Wore my old flare jeans with cork wedges.  I wish it would stay warm enough for sandals!

I figured I'll wear my floral print blazer for Mother's Day. 

My brother bought my mom this beautiful orchid!

Time for dinner at Las Tablas!

My mom and me...

Gotta love snapchat's filters...

Bros...



Empanadas for starters...

This chicken is PERFECT!!

My mom ate everything off her plate!  Breaded pork chops...

The infamous picture!  This was so sweet of them to do! 

Time heals all wounds...

Since I'm still technically behind 6 months of posting, it's coming to the point where it got dark for me and my family.  The thought of my mom being a widow has been stuck in my head for a couple of years now.  Her husband survived 3 heart attacks in the past 6 years.  As soon as he turned 50 years old, his health changed.  I think our health is something we sometimes take for granted.  He LOVED red meat, was a smoker, and basically ate whatever he wanted.  I'm not sure if he regularly exercised, but he was also out of work for some years, so he stuck around the house from then on.  Since he was diagnosed from April 2014 of a terminal illness, he did get into a depression.  It was starting to sink in for him that his time was running out.
My mom got in a panic mode because she wanted to be by his side all the time.  The problem was he sometimes wanted to be left alone.  He grew agitated and angry and would take it out on her.  His body ached.  He was growing weak and everything hurt.  I knew he was physically suffering, but mentally he was too, and it was affecting my mom as well.  She would look at him helplessly.  All I could do was try to brighten up the mood but he looked annoyed if anything. 
I would struggle going over there to visit.  I felt as if I shouldn't be there at all; that my presence was making things worse.  Sometimes my mom would tell me not to come by.  He was having a bad day she would say.  It's not fair to tell someone to lighten up when they're dying.  It's not a justified thought at all.  For some months it seemed normal to come by and check up on both of them.  But once the holidays hit, he was growing thinner and thinner, and we knew something was happening again.  To see a man deteriorate the way he did was the hardest thing I've ever witnessed.  To see my mom cry to herself was the hardest thing I've ever witnessed also.  He was suffering and there was nothing we could do.  He hated taking morphine, but at least he would knock out for hours.  He was barely awake now.  The tumor was coming out of his nose.  His tears would bleed.  This was not how things were suppose to happen. 
I was growing angry.  Angry to the point that I knew what was happening wasn't "fair".  Why is he going through this?  That's a dangerous mindset to enter, but I was going there.  In a spiritual sense, it doesn't make things easier when you start questioning God.  If anything, you're stepping out of line.  But it happens.  It happens to a lot of people when Life isn't fair, but it's important to remember that we ALL WILL BE TESTED AT ONE POINT IN TIME.  Tested by a higher power.  Tested by your sanity.  Tested by loved ones.  It's a fact of life and how you handle it will determine the outcome.
I'm writing this today because 6 months ago I was angry.  But it passed.  This whole ordeal DID pass. Although my mom is still adjusting to her new life without him, IT PASSED.  Time does heal all wounds.  We weathered this storm but it was a long one for us.  Never lose hope that things won't get better because they do.  All you need is FAITH and it WILL pass...