My Birthday

I’m still re-capping and now I reached my birthday.  This year my birthday fell on a Tuesday; just like today.

This year I felt really old.  Not the way I use to feel old, (not being able to wear certain clothing, hating my crow’s feet, thinning of my hair, etc.).  Something else was happening.  I kept thinking about my past such as:

things I wished I had accomplished

remembering people that have passed

my ex-boyfriend 

jobs I used to loathe

trips I have taken over the years

It was as if I was lying on my death bed recapping my life’s moments one by one.  Of course certain memories stood out, but it I just couldn’t stop thinking about them.  I never before have done this for such an extended period of time.  It was lasting a few weeks and for the most part, I was the person who always was anxious about what was to come.  This time, I was looking back and it was triggering my depression.

The night before my birthday I got my Facebook notifications from my friends aboard wishing me happy birthday.  I have to admit, this was nice considering they were waking up at the other side of the world and I was falling asleep.  I felt good knowing I shared wonderful travel moments with them.  I ended up working my birthday, too.  Normally I would have taken off but I didn’t want to be at home that day, let alone plan something special for myself.  I needed to turn off my mind and work, and that’s what I did.  In the evening, my friends called me up to talk and check up on me.  I again, enjoyed that a lot.  I was also honest with them.  I told them this year it was hard to celebrate.  If anything I want them to know that turning older isn’t always a fun celebration.  Sometimes you want to tune out. 

One of our friends was in town that Thursday and we made plans to catch up with the girls over dinner.  Of course, my friends surprised me with a birthday flan.  Lol.  In the end I did make a wish.  But it was nice not celebrating me this year…

Friendsgiving

Last Saturday I went to my very first Friendsgiving.  I have to say, I’ve been down lately.  I can’t help but feel guilty about the holidays coming up.  My friend just lost someone very close to her, and I wonder about her well-being.  It dawned on me how this time of year can trigger a lot of emotions, especially loneliness.  I guess that’s where Friendsgiving comes into play.

Let’s face it.  Sometimes we can’t choose our family.  But friends are a different story.  These are people who know you best, yet choose to spend time with you, confide in you, and love you unconditionally, no matter what.  I’m very grateful I have a set of good friends whom I cherish to death.  Despite not really being in the mood for holiday cheer, I showed up at the last minute to my first Friendsgiving.  I loved seeing my friends, although I was quiet most of the night.  I know tomorrow is going to be a lot for me.  I’m not feeling very talkative, but this is the only time I get to see most of my family all in one room.  It’s hard to get together with our hectic schedules.

I hope everyone enjoys their Thanksgiving.  If by chance, you are spending it alone, watch a good flick on tv or catch up on book you’ve been wanting to read.  I am a huge fan of self-help books and the one I recommend is Big Magic.  Everyone has a purpose here on this earth, and this book will wake up your inspiration.  Until next time…

I wore a cowlneck sweater in camel.  The color is making a comeback this season.

I didn’t take any pictures there but this one.  I’ve never seen a bottle like this.  Too cute!

Hurricane Maria

Hello everyone.  I come to you with a sad heart once again.  I will explain later.  I’ve been pretty emotional all weekend.  Even discussing it now hurts.  In the meantime, I will catch up to where I left off from my trip.  I can’t believe so much has happened since then.  It makes me anxious to know what the future might hold for me; let alone my friends and family.  Let’s recap.

I left England on September the 18^th to come back home to Chicago.  I made it in work that Tuesday the 19^th.  It was nice to be back ,but there were disturbing news coming from Mexico.  An earthquake hit, and it was a big one.  Here in Chicago we have a huge Mexican community, so needless to say, a lot of my friends were worried about loved ones back home.  But that’s not all.  My friend reached out to me to warn me about Hurricane Maria.  Yes, another hurricane was coming straight for Puerto Rico, and unlike Hurricane Irma, this one was going to make contact on Wednesday.  At first I thought she was joking.  I felt bad because she was very anxious about Irma and Puerto Rico got lucky with that one.  This time it was a different story.

That Wednesday at work, we were hosting our annual Hispanic Heritage breakfast.  Our committee got together early in the morning and started to decorate the atrium.  Looking back, I remember my co-workers hugging and consoling one another about the events that took place.  Friends were asking each other about families in Mexico and Puerto Rico.  Once we were ready, people from the firm came down to have different variations of coffee from different Latin American countries as well as sweet treats such as panes dulces and churros.  It dawned on me how much we love this place and how much it meant for us to put this together so people could enjoy their morning.  It also got me wondering if people noticed too, how much we love being here, especially with what’s going on in politics.  Do people here value us as much as we value them?  Then Maria happened.

I’m very saddened by the slow response that Puerto Rico has received.  Not to mention, I’ve sent two care packages to my friend’s dad and he has yet to have them delivered.  I’ve tried using sites such as Amazon, and Walgreens to deliver goods out there but to my surprise, have had trouble using his address in Puerto Rico.  It took over a week for post offices to be opened, not to mention having flights go in and out since the airport’s tower was severely damaged.  I had a co-worker fly out to search for her mother that weekend, only to have her flight get delayed for days in Florida.  I luckily had the chance to get some supplies for her before she left.  When she did come back a week later, she had horror stories of desperation.  What she saw out there changed her.  It will never be the Puerto Rico she had remembered.  

I kept in touch with my friend daily on the whereabouts of her dad.  Other co-workers did not hear from loved ones either for days.  It was an agonizing ordeal seeing my friends try to get some form of communication.  Luckily in the end, my friend’s dad reached out to her, but that was after 2 weeks of nothing.  Everyone around me was hurting.

I got a chance to hang out with my friends over that weekend I had been back from vacation.  One of them was flying out to Tokyo for her birthday and we all came over to help her pack.  It was nice being able to be around friends and vent out our frustrations.  On Monday I went to The Violet Hour to catch up with a friend over drinks.  He wanted to hear about my trip.  I also had to apologize over an incident that had happened that Wednesday when Maria hit.  He understood that he caught me at a bad time.  It was nice making amends.  Sometimes, you need to…

Cocktails at The Violet Hour is always a good idea.

When Darkness Falls...

I’m recapping the last weekend in July.  It was a tough one.  Since August is flying by, I realized how I’ve been in a funk ever since.  It’s been a tough summer for me mentally.  There’s been some amazing moments for me, which I adore because summer is a fun season.  Yet, as fast as those wonderful times entered my life, they left just as quickly.  It’s hard.

My mom suffered another anxiety attack.  I wasn’t too worried about it at first.  We had some pretty hot weeks in July, and she mentioned how it was hard for her to breathe sometimes.  I warned her that the humidity was high and she might be having seasonal allergies.  I told her to take it easy and she insisted that she would. 

That weekend of the white party was a long weekend for me.  Since I wanted to see my favorite dj, I stayed out until 5am that Saturday.  Once Sunday came and went, I decided to use a personal day to run some errands.  I thought about my mom, but since I spoke to her the night before, she seemed to be feeling better.  I relaxed the whole day, and when the time came to call her in the evening, I got the shock I didn’t see coming.  She told me she admitted herself to the hospital.  I freaked out of course, but then she reassured me that the doctors didn’t find anything physically wrong.  She had suffered an anxiety attack.

My heart broke into pieces.  I started to cry when she told me the doctors advised her to see a therapist.  Here we are once more.  Two years ago, when my mom returned to work after the death of her husband, she did therapy for two months before she quit.  She just didn’t see what the point was.  

I cried because I want my mom to WANT to get better.  She’s been stressing herself out ever since she put the house on sale.  We’ve had four prospective buyers that in the end backed out.  The pressure is on because my mom is afraid this house will be sitting on the market too long.  I get it.

She decided to have a yard sale to downsize her belongings.  Me and my family came by to support her.  She did well that Saturday and got rid of a lot of stuff.  I was watching her like a hawk, but she seemed to enjoy having us around.

My friend invited me out for drinks afterwards.  I waited a while for her.  Right before she picked me up, I got news that someone we knew had passed away suddenly.  I was in shock.

Once we went out, my friend could tell something was off with me, but she had her own drama going on, so we focused on her.  It was a lot for me to process, so I stood quiet for most of the night.  Not one of my best nights out and I wanted that day to be over.

The next day, me and my family went back to check on my mom’s yard sale.  I was mostly quiet there too.  I was in a loss for words.  I just want everyone to be ok.  But the more I look around, I feel that the people I love are suffering in their own way.  I feel so helpless. 

In the end, my mom made some good money getting rid of some stuff.  We also ended up getting another offer for the house.  So far, this one is going through.

  

Her Smile

Recapping February as quickly as I can!  For once I would like my blog to be up to date.  One of the things that always gets me is not knowing what the upcoming year will bring.  Now that we’re in March, I’m finally getting comfortable with the plans I need to make.  So many changes have taken place in such a short amount of time.  I often feel I can’t keep up with my own life.  The bad part is there are things I do want to accomplish, but I get held up with other things.

For the past few years, my mother became the focal point of my life.  It took me by surprise how much I want her to be ok again.  Last week was the anniversary of her husband’s death.  It’s been 2 years since he’s been gone, but it feels much longer than that.  He was sick the last 5 years of his life.  This affected my mother deeply.  She switched jobs to take care of him, nursed him until he died, and then had to return back to the workplace to resume her responsibilities.  She tried therapy  briefly, and now she has fully retired.  I do not remember the last time I saw my mother happy.  All I see is the constant worry on her face, and it makes me feel helpless.

There have been moments when her face lights up and she braves a smile.  And it warms my heart.  For once I can feel she is ok to be living.  I worry that she will get depressed and want to “give up” on life.  I know she feels it’s been unfair to her.  I pray that she can look beyond the pain and see how wonderful things can still be, despite her husband being gone.

The 2^nd week in February we decided to take my brother out for his birthday.  Since his actual birthday fell on a Thursday we knew Friday would work well with everyone.  We reached out to my step brother and he agreed to meet up with us at dinner.  We chose Las Tablas at 6 corners because it’s been a family favorite for years, plus they have GREAT food!  My brother was surprised when we had the live band play Happy Birthday to him.  And along with my brother smiling from ear to ear, was my mom.  It’s no secret she treats my brothers differently than me, but she truly loves my big brother.  I haven’t seen her smile like that in years!  I felt overwhelmed with joy just to see my family smiling, laughing, happy, just for one night.  We needed this.

Love their food!!

Mother /Daughter Day

Since my mom retired in mid October, I told myself I wanted to do something with her OUTSIDE of the house at least once a month.  My mom has been in mourning since her husband passed away, and for the most part has continued working until her retirement.  She rarely steps out of the house unless it's for running her errands.  I felt it was important for her to continue to live her life during this transition which meant I needed her to look forward to something.  Sometimes her depression gets the best of her and she would cancel on me at the last minute due to bad weather conditions, feeling tired, or whatever excuse she would make up.  I knew on my end I didn't want to push her into doing something she wasn't ready to do.  I had a scheduled day off from work on the last Friday of December.  When I spoke to her the night before, I had suggested we do something concerning the holidays before all the festivities would be taken down.  I cannot go over her place too long due to her dog, so she has to work with me whether she likes it or not.  I wanted to checkout the Museum of Science and Industry to look at the Christmas trees around the world exhibit.  Automatically she brought up how cold it might be, and of course, I debated back that we are in winter after all and that's expected.  She didn't seem to budge so I dropped it.
In the morning I enjoyed watching the news and wanted to finish up my last book I was reading for the year, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People"; a self-help book I got off of Amazon.  I figured it would be a great way to for me to prepare for 2017, and I was down to the last chapter.  Sure enough, around 11am she called me out the blue.  "You know, I took Lucky out for a walk and it didn't seem that cold out".  It looks like my mom wanted to step out after all.  Unfortunately we went back and forth on the phone, and concluded that heading to Hyde Park to the Museum of Science and Industry was not going to work for us.  We still had to get ready and meet up somewhere since we both don't have a car.  If we wanted to head there, we should have left much earlier.  I had a back up plan.  I told her we could head down to Millennium Park to watch the ice skating rink and she agreed. 
We got downtown around 2pm and made our way there.  But since we were passing State Street, we realized we did not get a chance to see the Christmas display at Macy's.  We walked around the building to see the window displays and took pictures.  We figured we could checkout what they had inside.  It was nice looking around with my mom.  She's worked in downtown all her life and loves the glitz and glamour of nice things.  Even though she couldn't afford such stuff, it never stopped her from appreciating the finer things in life.  We made our way to the Walnut room to checkout their tree, but the line was too long for us to be seated for lunch.  We kept on going.
We made it to Millennium Park and watched the people ice skate for some time.  My mom wasn't aware of the skating rink there, so that's why I took her so she could become familiar with it.  She was having a good time.  The line to have lunch at the Park Grill was short, so we decided to have lunch there. 
I realized we were doing good with time and thought maybe we could catch a movie.  During Christmas Eve, my mom had mentioned how she wanted to see Lion with Dev Patel.  I was surprised she even knew about such a film, but she claimed she saw something on tv about it.  My mom is not the artsy film type.  When her husband was alive, he was mostly into blockbuster movies and that's what they would see.  To have her tell me she wanted to see this type of movie surprised me.  But I wanted to make her happy, so I looked up the movie times and found one for 5:30pm at the AMC at Streeterville.  She seemed glad we were going.
Off we went to the show.  It was an amazing film, and it haunted me for days afterwards.  There is an Oscar buzz and I hope they get the nominations in.  Lion is based off a true story about a little boy that got lost from his older brother in India at a train station.  My mom claims when she was a little girl back in Guatemala, her and her younger brother would sometimes roam the streets at such a young age.  I often wonder how she randomly remember such times now that she's older.
I cried a lot during the movie and so did she.  I felt that it brought us closer.  At one point as we were having lunch, my mom said to me out of the blue "Thank you nena."  It was nice...

I can't believe Tom Brady is going to the Super Bowl again!

Pretty tree at the Walnut Room

Goofing off at Macy's

We got a chance to see people ice skate at Millennium Park...

I always order crab cakes whenever it's on a menu!

My wooden Santas are watching me.  lol

Wore an old winter white flannel blazer that helped keep me warm that day.  Perfect alternative to a thick sweater.

Let's Laugh!

Despite having a somber weekend with my family, the rest of the week I was hoping for something more uplifting.  I do not like being in a sad state of mind for too long, especially since I have to be strong for my mom.  With the recent health scare of a family member, as well as the death of a family friend, my mom has been very sensitive lately.  Depression can sneak up on people, and for now it wouldn't do us any good if we're both suffering.
I got a chance to have dinner with a friend later on that Thursday, but because of the funky mood I had with so much going on with my family, I ruined a good evening out.  I could not get out of my cranky mood and I feel terrible about this.  As we get older, receiving bad news wears down your tolerance.  You have to learn how to understand what's happening, as well as control your emotions.  It's easier said then done, but you don't want someone to be at the receiving end of your wrath because you are going through some hardships.  They are innocent in all of this and no one wants to be the person who snaps off all the time.  It's not a great feeling, trust me.
I did my best to control my issues following the rest of the evening, but the next day I was still bummed about how I acted the night before.  Little did I know my mood was going to change because of  my friend.  She wanted to celebrate her birthday that Friday at a comedy club in Schaumburg.  I couldn't help but think maybe this wasn't a good idea.  Friday traffic could make a 20 minute commute turn into an hour and a half.  Not to mention, none of my friends have heard of this comedian before, hence making us feel suspicious if we should bother coming out there at all.  My friend insisted this comedian was good and has seen his youtube videos.  She was the only one familiar with his work.  We all agreed to make her wishes come true since this is what she wanted to do for her birthday.  Off we went to the Chicago Improv Comedy Club for Jo Koy. 
Me and my friend were the first ones there, followed by her boyfriend.  Things started to get complicated when they told us all of our party had to be present in order for us to be seated.  How was that going to happen on a Friday night during rush hour?  We sent a group text letting everyone know what was up.  Luckily they allowed us to be seated after we had 6 guests.  The people at the door were very helpful with our situation.  They insisted they will let our other party join us once they arrived. 
Jo Koy was HILARIOUS!!!  We couldn't stop laughing!  This was something we all needed.  One of my friends had a baby 6 weeks ago.  This was her first night away from her son.  Another couple had a baby sitter so they were having a date night as well.  My other friends are always in a good spirits, so it was fun to see us all laughing along.  It was the best surprise that we could imagine!  The birthday girl had a blast as well.  If it wasn't up to her, we would never have done this.  I would definitely suggest anyone that is in a funk to go do something you normally would not do, and give it a chance.  You might be surprised what an adventure it could be!  As for that night, it was a perfect evening for us.  Life was good again.

  

With the anticipation of the Cubs possibly winning the World Series, many Chicagoans cannot stop talking about tonight's game.  It's no secret how long we've had a drought obtaining the championship, but what fascinates me is the die-hard fans that have been waiting for this moment their entire lives.  My brothers are HUGE fans of the Cubs.  Even though they love all of our Chicago teams, baseball definitely runs in their blood.  Back when we were kids growing up, my brothers fell in love with the 1984 Chicago Cubs.  There were so many good players in that team, it felt as though they were truly heroes in our city.  We use to live a couple of blocks away from Wrigley Field when we were kids.  I remember clearly looking out the window and seeing all the drunken fans walk by.  I use to think they were having so much fun.  I couldn't wait to grow up and join them.
Unfortunately, that year we didn't make it to the World Series.  My younger brothers were heartbroken about the loss.  My impact on sports changed quickly, and I never grew fond of it ever since.  Yes, I've joined the bandwagon of fans whenever one of our teams are winning.  I'm guilty of this.  Who doesn't love a winning team?  It's an amazing feeling to be a part of, yet the losing part is what scares me.  I see how depressed fans get.  For me, I never understood placing my sense of happiness on the outcome of a game.  I know my reason for this is because I have no love for sports whatsoever, but I cannot pass judgment when I've seen first hand how much it means to my brothers.  I have not followed any games this season, but I will pray for the fans to get the outcome they want so they could witness a World Series team in their lifetime.
The one thing that has made me baffled on the road for the championship is the sense of entitlement fans have when it comes down to their beloved Chicago Cubs.  They  assume we have the right to win because "it's long overdue".  I can understand the loyalty of fans cheering them on every year, but the reality is, EVERYONE wants their team to win.  Just like the fairytale ending we all hope to acquire one day, as time moves on in, we see how not everyone will get what they feel they deserve out of life.  It doesn't make them unworthy of such an ideal circumstance  It just means it's not for everyone.  Maybe something else was meant for our paths, but just like wishing the Cubs win the World Series, we have to grasp the concept that some things are just not meant to be.  For the meantime, let us remember to continue to live harmoniously with one another for a peaceful existence for our well being.  And GO CUBS!   

Family Time...

That same weekend I celebrated the birthday of my friend at Bar Deville, I also spent some time with my family.  The next day I went for coffee and cake to celebrate my little cousin's birthday.  She is still in high school, but she's growing up to be a wonderful young woman!  I'm so proud of her!  It was also the first time I got to see my mom since I've been back from my trip.  My mom was on a hectic work schedule and had only one day off.  The hotel is swamped right now, so we decided to see each other when she returned to a regular work week.  She did come by my uncle's house to wish my cousin happy birthday.  My uncle's mother was there too.  Unfortunately, her health is not so great, so for the  most part, my mom was attending to her.  I know my mom takes these things very personal with everything that she's been through these past 2 years.  I can see how hard it is for her to process bad news.  At one point I tried to make my mom feel a little bit better by giving her the postcards I got for her from Greece.  She loved them! 
To make matters worse, there was also the sudden death of a family friend.  He passed away that Friday night during rush hour.  My mom told me the news later on that evening.  His wake was the next day.  Me and my brother decided to go pay our respect that Sunday.  My mom was going to pass by our friend's place on her day off that following Tuesday.  I got chills pulling up to their apartment in Hyde Park.  Me and my brothers use to play with his kids, so it brought a lot of good memories back.  I miss those times!  We had so much fun.  I feel bad that my family lost their friend, and seeing his kids mourn their dad brought tears to my eyes.  They miss him so much!  We caught up with the daughters and met their new families.  They hold a special place in my heart.
I knew this was going to hit close to home with my mom.  She did came by after all and spoke to his widow.  They've been married for 40 years!  For me, personally, I'm glad I got to see my family during these difficult times of loss and anxiousness.  I pray that we continue to support one another. No one should have to go through this alone.  Life is precious!

Plan B

I'm still finalizing my trip.  lol.  I know I'm making this a big deal but I had to figure out the details on what I am doing out there.  It's hard to plan something like this out on a whim.  I don't have a lot of cash to be throwing away and make hasty decisions.  I need to know what I am planning to do with my time in Greece and in Italy.  It's frustrating because sometimes I wish money was no object.  Then the world would be my oyster!!  But I live in the real world where I have to take care of myself, my responsibilities, and my well being.  I have printed up my maps; looked into my hotel and the area around it; printed out transportation information; and discussed my stay with my friend out in Italy.  I am extremely nervous.  I wish I wasn't such a wuss.  I pray I will begin to get excited.  Mid life nerves have won me over again.
There was a time when I wasn't so nervous about things.  I was pretty sure I knew what was "the plan".  Now, not so much.  Everything got shifted when me and my ex broke up.  We were working on getting our finances together so we could buy a place.  Around the time we ended things, he had worked out his bankruptcy.  Nice.  Time for the next move. 
Then boom.  Everything ended and I was left to figure out what to do next on my own.  I hadn't saved any money.  My best friend whom I've known since I was 16 years old had just gotten married to a woman who advised him not to speak to me anymore.  And my other friend met a man and had moved to Italy.  Just like that.  I lost not only my boyfriend of 7 years but my two closest friends in the whole wide world.  I was in so much emotional pain, I couldn't comprehend what was happening.  How did I miss this?
Maybe fate brought me here.  A lot of my friends ended up meeting their significant others as time moved on.  Of course they would pair up now, I was in a relationship for so long and they were single.  Now that tables have turned I had to figure out what to do with myself without them around as much.  Over the past 4 years I've been single, I've made new friends; dated, and have accustomed to doing things on my own for enjoyment.  I am trying to learn Italian so I could blend well with my girlfriend's friends out in Italy.  I go to concerts/ shows that I enjoy on my own without any interruption.  And once I week if I could, I practice new recipes on my own (I'm a terrible cook although my ex did eat at his own risk).  Traveling came out of no where because my friend pushed me to come out and visit her.  I would have never done it on my own if it wasn't for her. 
I came to the realization that maybe what I wanted for so long is just not in the stars for me.  If that's the case, then how do I fill up a life without my plan A?  What path should I head to now?  Where do I go from here?
For the time being, I will follow my passions.  The things I love to do.  Around my birthday I grew very sad, but then felt hopeful when I purchased my plane ticket to Greece.  It was short lived because some days I battled feelings of depression.  I finished the book "The Power of Your Subconscious Mind" and it helped me learn how to tap into my imagination.  With the use of meditation and prayer, it makes you focus on your wants and desires from your subconscious mind.  It takes a lot of work but it does make me feel better.  Painting a pleasurable picture in your head daily works wonders for your mind.
My job had our annual summer party downstairs outside at the lawn area last Friday.  This year we kept it low key.  The weather had dipped back into the 70s so I wore my jeans and an bright orange top for a pop of color.  Nothing major.  I truly enjoy where I work at and figured I could hangout for a bit even though my cough was acting up that day.  They handed out Garrett's popcorn which was a big hit.  It was bbq themed.  We had some good times playing around with pokemon go.  That helped liven it up a bit.  lol.  Until next time! 

Great turnout!

They had bags!



Good times....

I found a pokemon! 

Mother's Day

Sunday was Mother's Day and I snapped at my mom.  Yes, it sounds truly horrible, but I couldn't help it.  It came out of no where.  Part of me knows I didn't do the right thing.  Yet I am proud of it.  I want her to be aware that I AM AWARE that something is not right.  Let me explain...
I told my brothers ahead of time that I wanted to take my mom out to dinner for Mother's Day.  I figured if she works (which she usually does on Sundays) that it would be nice for her to come home and not worry about dinner.  I know it's traditional to take mom out for brunch, but dinner would better for us and it wouldn't be as crowded.  Let's face it.  Sometimes parents can be tricky.  Because I know my mom so well, I knew she would put up a fight and try to knock the idea down.  "You don't have to do anything.  Everyday is Mother's Day."  I wouldn't take no for an answer.  I told her we would pick her up and that's that.
When I went with my mom to her doctor's appointment two weeks ago, I got a chance to enjoy her company more because we were out of the house.  I am terribly allergic to her dog, not to mention my asthma kicks in as well.  She hates putting the dog away because he yelps so much and she feels guilty.  Meanwhile me and my other brother are dying and have to always cut our visits short to an hour or so.  We both take 24 hour allergy medication but those things only work for 2 hours max.  Then my wheezing sets in and I have to go.  It's a nuisance because we can't stay as long as we'd like.  Her dog means the world to her so it puts all of us in a bind.  What can you do?   
I figured my plan was fool proof but I could tell that she looked tired from work and really didn't want to go back out for dinner.  We settled at one of our favorite restaurants that's a few blocks away.  Las Tablas is a favorite of Chicagoans for good Colombian food since 1991.  We started to look over the menu.  I have been craving their chicken plate for months and was excited to order.  My mom, not so much.  "I think I'm going to have the soup," she said.  "SOUP???  We didn't come all the way here for you to order soup!!  Order something mommy!  You need to eat!"  I think I took everyone by surprise when I snapped but I couldn't help it.  She's lost a lot of weight and it's noticeable.  She had soup that day when I treated her to lunch after her doctor's appointment.  She needs to eat even if she doesn't feel like it.  I think back to some of our nightly conversations where she's mentioned how tired she is; how she's going straight to bed and not having any dinner because she's not hungry.  She's tired because she's depressed.  It sucks because for over 4 weeks they have scheduled her days off separately and not back to back.  She is so close to retiring but she's not getting the proper rest that she deserves.  She's a 65 year old woman who wants her full retirement.  She is pushing herself.  She's also gone through so much in a short amount of time.  She was going to therapy at one point but because of her work schedule changing her days off from week to week, she had trouble keeping her appointments.
I know she's depressed and I feel terrible about it.  I also think she has her good days and bad days.  We managed to continue our dinner and had some laughs.  There was someone at the restaurant who was taking pictures of all the families.  I thought it was a great idea and she loved her photo.  It was a sweet gesture on their part.  We continued catching up even when our dinner was over.  That's the one thing that did make the dinner impersonal.  We weren't quite in our dining room.  We were at a restaurant and we had to make our way out of there.
Yesterday we met up again at my mom's house for dinner.  She had both her days off back to back again, so she wanted to make dinner for us.  I made sure I took my 24 hour Allegra before I got there.  We had a nice time gossiping on family stuff.  She looked good.  In a few short months, her life will get a lot easier.  I can't wait...

Wore my old flare jeans with cork wedges.  I wish it would stay warm enough for sandals!

I figured I'll wear my floral print blazer for Mother's Day. 

My brother bought my mom this beautiful orchid!

Time for dinner at Las Tablas!

My mom and me...

Gotta love snapchat's filters...

Bros...



Empanadas for starters...

This chicken is PERFECT!!

My mom ate everything off her plate!  Breaded pork chops...

The infamous picture!  This was so sweet of them to do! 

MOTHER'S DAY IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER!!!

Just a friendly reminder!  I can't believe Mother's Day is THIS Sunday.  This year is moving too quickly for me.  Regardless, I spent some time with my mom last week on Monday.  Her schedule has been difficult lately due to her days off being split up.  It's hard for her to rest and run her errands.  Usually she has two consecutive days off but lately that hasn't been the case.  Me and my brothers haven't had dinner with her in weeks because of it.  Once she told me about her upcoming doctor's appointment, I made up my mind to accompany her so we can at least share the afternoon together. 
The weather worked out for us that day.  We decided to have lunch after her appointment, and I'm glad we did.  It gave us a chance to relax and unwind.  Since I haven't seen her weeks, I was surprised to find out at the doctor's office that she had lost so much weight.  I've been worried about her lately.  She's been anxious and I'm trying to pinpoint why.  I know she's counting down to the days of her retirement, but I want her to not get so worked up by things.  I feel she stresses herself out way too much. 
We had lunch at Beatrix in Streeterville and I loved it!  I ordered the warm pot roast sandwich with caramelized onions and my mom had the spring pea soup.  I insisted she ordered something with it, but unfortunately, her nerves were working against her that day.  At least she did enjoy her soup.  Back at the doctor's office they had her fill out a questionnaire about her symptoms and there was a section on her mental health.  It threw me off because I felt it was so unfair.  I know my mom has suffered a lot these past few years with her husband being sick, diagnosed, and then his passing.  I wish life would give her a break sometimes.  I still believe she will be fine, mostly because of the type of relationship she had with her husband.  Whether she knows it or not, she's a very tough woman.  She just has fragile emotions...




DELISH!!

My mom thought her soup was very freshly made...

Time Flies When You're Having Fun...

Happy Friday world!!  I took a trip down memory lane yesterday by looking at some photo albums off my Facebook page.  Boy does time fly!  I was quickly saddened by all the changes that occurred in such a short amount of time, especially from 2011-2012.  I saw pictures of me and my ex, my other friend with her husband.  We all looked very happy together.  Obviously me and my ex broke up not long after and my friend and her husband are currently separated.  I found a group picture of a woman who passed away last year.  She is one year older than me.  The weird thing is we are still  going through the motions from those years.  You don't have enough time to adjust before something else happens.  It's the sad reality of life.  It DOES move fast, and sometimes staying afloat is all you can do.  I left work bummed out, only to receive a silly video text from someone currently on vacation.  He is truly living it up out there!  It made me feel warm inside knowing he's enjoying his time off.  Embrace it, I thought to myself.  You never know what's around the corner that can change your whole life.
Last week was a short work week due to Martin Luther King Jr.  I took down all of my Christmas decorations.  I am pretty satisfied with the my holiday décor and am looking forward to what retail shops will be offering up next winter.  It's a joyous season, but now that we're in January, my focus is mostly shifted to my resolutions:  what I would like to get out of the upcoming year.  Since I'm aware of the changes that have happened in my life in the past, I really want to manage my money better and build up my savings.  For what?  Who knows.  But at least I can get a head start with the financial aspect of it.
I did some damage control over the weekend.  I'm not proud of it either.  It is a reminder to me to not get too carried away for it to become a habit or else I'll really be in big trouble.  What started out as a simple dinner plan grew into a full blown night out on the town.  I wasn't prepared for staying out so late, especially since I already had plans the next night for a birthday party.  UGH!!!  Regardless, who can resist Union Sushi and some cocktails?  Yes I am guilty of such, but I DO want to tone down the nightlife scene.  We made our way to Concord Music Hall to check out Morgan Page and Borgeous only to end up at The Mid later on to catch the same show!  LMAO! 

 The Skinny Geisha Cocktail!

I'm not a fan of oysters, but I DO love how they garnish these at Union!

We ordered a lobster and had this dish FIRST! 

The lobster bisque came SECOND!  This was DELISH!!

Finishing up the last of the lobster via rolls...

HUGE turnout for Morgan Page and Borgeous...

These guys were a fun crowd...

I can't believe we went out after this show.  No pictures of The Mid because my phone died out.  We didn't stay long...