He made it through the summer. Actually, things seemed to have stabilized. It was weird because he was fine. He would sit outside and watch people on the front porch during the summer. My mom was very nervous to leave him alone at the house. She walked out of her job and was out of work for 2 months. She wanted to be with him. But since everything was "ok", she eventually went back to work in the fall. Not to mention, sitting around the house was making her restless. It was a strange time for our family.
Around Thanksgiving is when things were still good. We had a great dinner and he enjoyed himself. My family participates in a grab bag for gifts but he had a different agenda. Up until Christmas he ended up getting gifts for everyone. It made my mom nervous because he was spending so much money. But he wanted to do this.
I noticed the physical changes during that time. Something was happening again. He was beginning to look different. And he was getting weaker. I knew our time was limited with him. But I needed a break.
Although me and my brothers are around for the holidays, New Years is a different story. We usually hang out with our own friends. I knew that it would be wrong to do this to my mom, but I needed a moment to just be myself. I felt so selfish. It was hard seeing him like this. It was hard seeing my mom care for him. I figured I'll throw the idea out there and see if she needed me around. My brothers had their own plans. But I'm the daughter. Daughters are different.
I was invited to a house party (which I liked because I didn't want to be at some overpriced, super packed nightclub). I wanted to be with my close friends. Plus it was freezing that night. Definitely did not want to hop around.
I called up my mom and asked her what was she planning on doing for the night. She had just made dinner and her husband was sleeping. He's been sleeping a lot lately. And then she dropped the bomb. She was laid off from work.
I grew furious! Who does such a thing to an employee on New Year's Eve? My heart sank as well. I grew so worried. What about the bills?? What about her mortgage??
She asked me what was my agenda for the evening and I told I was invited to a house party. A Russian house party. They were going to have champagne and caviar and crepes. Supposedly it's a Russian tradition on New Year's Eve.
She was excited for me. But I confessed that I felt I should be with them. "Go to your party", she insisted. "I was just going to make dinner and head to bed myself. There's nothing going on over here. I don't really care for New Years."
I went to the party. It was nice. Unfortunately, I felt so out of place. I didn't want to bring in the new year like this. Feeling worried and unsure about the future. My nerves were getting the best of me. I wanted to try to look happy at least, but none of my friends really knew how miserable I was feeling.
Luckily, I DO have great friends. With the nights festivities, we ate cream cheese and crepes dipped with caviar! It was something so new to me, I loved every minute of it! We played Cards Against Humanity. Whenever I grew nervous, I would shut down for a moment, only to be pulled back into having more champagne and appetizers.
I don't think my friends will ever know how grateful I was for them being there and for also just letting me be. They knew times were tough, so they knew how to back down and not overcrowd me, but at that same time, check up on me from time to time to see if I was ok. I'm blessed to have them in my life. I'm a very lucky woman...
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Everyone was to bring a bottle of champagne! Check out that selection...   |
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