Heartbreak at Hubbard

I’m still trying to catch up on August events!  I finally decided that I will also visit Paris when I’m in Europe next week.  It’s been difficult these past few days trying to coordinate something with my friend who moved to Italy.  Unfortunately, I decided in the end that I will not be seeing her this time around.  I didn’t have much to work with and time was working against us.  I will be taking the Eurostar to Paris so I’m excited I won’t be hopping from plane to plane like I’ve done in the past.  I’ve been having trouble with my nerves again, and haven’t been able to hold anything in my stomach.  I hate myself whenever I go through this.  I can’t believe I still have trouble THINKING about getting on a plane.  Even the sound of a plane flying by creeps me out.  Maybe I should work at an airport part-time so I can get use to all of the noise and commotion?  I don’t know anymore…

Well back to part 2 of our friends visiting from North Carolina.  It turns out it birthday boy number 2 wanted to celebrate as well, and his dinner was going to be held at Mercadito.  I woke up not feeling so great that Saturday, and started to do my chores around my apartment.  I got a call on the phone that changed my mood completely.  Even as I’m writing this, I’m tearing up.  It’s nothing bad.  No one died, has cancer, etc.  Just one of those calls that makes you realize how much time has passed since my breakup.

I couldn’t stop crying afterwards, and my usual Saturday routine would be to hang out at my apartment so I could unwind from my job.  Not this Saturday.  I knew I was going to drive myself crazy with my thoughts, so I got dressed and ran out of the house.  The air and water show was happening that day, but I wanted to see what my friends from out of town were doing.  Unfortunately I was on the phone for over 2 hours that I missed the show.  By the time I was getting downtown, my friends told me they were heading back to the hotel.  

I mostly walked around.  I went to my favorite beach on Ohio and just sat and watched people.  There were a lot of boats on the lake.  It dawned on me how much I couldn’t wait to leave and see new faces.  I’ve been feeling this way ever since.

I did some window shopping and headed home to rest.  I was not in the mood to go out at all but my friends insisted.  I let my girlfriend know ahead of time what was going on in case people noticed the change in me.  The night before I was happy to be out but now I was a complete mess.  I was worried I would start crying out of the blue, but my girlfriend understood and told me she would keep me occupied. 

I got to dinner pretty late.  Everyone was finishing up.  They decided to stay a bit longer at Mercadito to have some cocktails.  I haven’t been there in a while so it was nice to see the hustle and bustle of a Saturday night.  In the end we decided to go to Hubbard Inn to continue the party.  I started to feel better there.  Our birthday party crew got bigger with more people arriving to join in on the fun.

We went across the street to Disco (again) and danced around.  My feet were killing me at this point, but I tried to stick it out as long as I could.  I went home.

What I learned is sometimes you need to be “distracted” in order not to be consumed with your own thoughts.  Whoever said you are your own worst enemy was not lying…