Scowflow Lounge

Do you the funny thing about my life?  Sometimes things would go surprisingly well, and then out of nowhere, the ball drops.  I absolutely HATE this about myself.  I was very stressed when I flew to New York, but once I came back, I felt I had a better outlook once again.  And then, BAM.  I get completely knocked off of my feet.  A lot of times, I feel I bring this on myself.  I am the common denominator in all of these scenarios, so I can’t ignore the fact that I might have something to do with this.  It’s frustrating, because I never get to enjoy the good times for long.  There’s always something lurking around the corner.

These past few years on my own, have been much tougher than I anticipated.  I never realized how much I depended on my ex to help me keep going whenever things would get bad.  Going through hardships without him have shown me what a great support system I had before.  Now that I’m on my own, I miss that so much.

I am very fortunate to have good friends around me, but it’s those dark moments when I’m alone in my apartment that get me every time.  The insomnia, the nightmares, the burst of tears out of nowhere are haunting me once again.  It makes me miss New York so much.  That weekend was a sweet surprise and now it feels so far away. 

The following weekend after I saw my friend at Baptise and Bottle my mom decided to share some news that I was not fond of whatsoever.  Since then, our relationship has been strained, but we’ve managed to talk around our issues.  I’m hoping for the new year things would be different between us, but for the most part, our relationship has always been up and down.  I am coming to terms realizing that this will probably be the way it is forever since it’s never been a smooth ride with her.  I’m sharing this information with anyone out there that might be having a hard time this holiday season.  This will pass.  Luckily next year is right around the corner, and I vow once again, to hope for better things.

I wasn’t feeling very sociable after hearing my mom’s news, but a friend wanted to take me out for a drink at Scowflow Lounge.  I wish I had opted to stay in, but he was hesitant, and I agreed to it.  For the most part, this bar was in Bucktown and it was packed.  Luckily we got a table and were seated next to the fireplace.  I loved it because I’m always cold, and at one point, a server came around and was serving freshly baked cookies.  This was a nice touch and it made me feel a bit better.  Sometimes it’s the little things that can make a hard moment not seem so difficult. 

Mastro’s birthday dinner

Well the holidays are officially over.  I’m finally getting my rhythm back.  It’s been brutally cold here in Chicago, but I’ve managed to still make it to the gym.  I also managed to get through these past two weeks.

As usual, it was one event after the other.  I had friends that came into town.  The best part is I managed to see them all while they were here.  I’ve missed them so much.  It’s hard knowing even if they lived here we probably would have the same problem of trying to get together.  Keep in mind you also have to make time to see your family.  It’s all about balance and hoping people understand that you can’t make every gathering.

Once I got back from Paris I immediately had to go to a birthday dinner.  I am a pure breed Chicagoan, but am not a fan of steakhouses.  As you know, Chicago is a steakhouse city.  My friends absolutely LOVE Mastro’s and that’s what where we decided to go to celebrate.

With my anxiety on traveling, on top of other personal losses I endured over the past 2 months, I probably lost 5-7 lbs.  That’s a lot for my small frame.  Hence, I took this opportunity to wear a little black dress for the party.  Lol.  I knew I would not be able to wear it well any other time.

It was nice catching up with the girls.  We rarely get together to share stories and I had a lot to share.  We decided to end our Friday night there since it started to snow out of nowhere.  It was late and we didn’t want to take our chances driving home in these conditions.

I hope everyone had a wonderful New Years!  I will try my best to catch up on my events.  One of my resolutions is to have my blog current (of course).  It’s a therapeutic thing for me and I hope you enjoy reading some of my silliness…

Rocking at Ronero!

I’m going to try my best to recap my events before I leave on my trip, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to catch up.  My emotions have been all over the place.  So much tension around me.  I concluded today that I do indeed need to get away because I need to reflect on myself.  People are so intense around me.  I wish things weren’t like this.

In the news right now are more natural disasters, political mumbo jumbo, and basically no reason things should matter because the world will be ending soon anyway.  It’s hard to be optimistic when the worse-case scenario is constantly in your face.  How can anyone live like this?

Back in mid-August some friends of ours were visiting from North Carolina.  I was excited to see them because I wanted to get my mind off of things.  Unfortunately, it first seemed plans were not working out, but in the end, luckily it did.  We had dinner at Ronero and then headed upstairs to the main lounge.  We had bottle service and lived it up.  It was such a random thing to do.  We wanted to keep going and not end the night so we headed to Disco for some more action.  I got so tired once we got there.  I felt bad that I had to leave.  Talk about running out of steam!  lol 

Some people can't handle a puppy

The first weekend of February was pretty tame.  On Friday I met up with my friend after work at Ceres café at the Board of Trade.  That place is a popular spot in downtown, and during a heated discussion, I found it was impossible to talk in there.  Just a side note:  it’s not a café to have a conversation.  Lol.  Although I did enjoy my pre evening cocktail, it was very cold in Chicago that night.  I couldn’t wait to get home to my warm, comfy couch.

The following day my friends wanted to get together again for brunch.  I couldn’t wait to tell them what I encountered earlier in the week.  I had worked late and was almost home when I noticed a man across the street walking his little dog.  The dog was black and super fluffy, but I really couldn’t tell what kind of dog it was since it was nighttime.  I would have guessed the dog was a couple of months old.  It was definitely a puppy, and by the way he was walking with his owner, was still new to being walked and couldn’t help himself but jump up and down a lot.

Well the owner looked frustrated.  I had my headphones blasting and was minding my own business until I noticed the owner of the dog started to yank on his lease.  From my eyes, the owner started to wrapped the lease around the dog’s neck 3x and then got down and pinned the dog on the ground with his knee.  At that moment I felt he started to pull on the lease, hence choking the dog (?).  I freaked out and screamed out loud, “HEY!!!  WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING???”   I rushed over but still kept my distance from him by staying put across the street.  My adrenaline kicked in and I continued to yell out, “IS THAT YOUR DOG???  IS THAT YOUR DOG???”  The owner looked frustrated and sighed out loud and said, “Yes it is.”  He got off the puppy and I kept looking around but no one else was on the street.

Now I don’t have to tell you about our crime in Chicago right now.  It’s ridiculous.  There is a surge of violence taking place everyday.  I was in a awkward position.  I didn’t want to get close to the guy, since he was trying to choke his dog after all.  Not to mention I was nervous what he might do to me if I did approach him.  I couldn’t get a good look at the guy either since he, too, was wearing all black.  By the time I got to the end of my street I looked back to see where the man was going but he was gone.  It makes me think that he was indeed doing something wrong since he didn’t stick around .

I feel bad that I couldn’t do more to help the dog.  This man obviously has no patience in training his puppy.  I question the state of his mind, but not only that, people in general.  Since our crime rates have skyrocketed, people are losing it altogether and snapping.  I feel drained with the news media, our new presidency, what’s happening at work, and life in general.  I miss the old me.

Seeing my friends at brunch and talking about what happened felt like we went back in time for a bit.  I miss my friends very much.  But with their new families, our time together has suffered.  Even my new found mommy friends are having a hard time adjusting to motherhood.  They seemed a little frustrated, but I am convinced they are still trying to figure out how to balance everything. 

Later on that evening, one of my friends from brunch called me up to see if I wanted to paint the town red.  I laughed because it was still pretty cold, plus I figured I would stay in again.  She convinced me that it was going to be a girls night out and that her boyfriend was going to go out with his friends.  I don’t have a problem being the 3^rd wheel, but I think she wanted more girls for the "girls night out".  Lol.

I agreed and told her I would meet her up later on after my workout.  Once I met up for some pre-cocktails at her place, we were brainstorming on where we should go.  We threw some ideas around and settled for a club on Lake Street.  We took an uber there and waited in line to get inside.  It was freezing outside and the door guys had their hands full with a limo that pulled up in front.  They must have had 15 people crawl out of there!  Regardless, once they let that party in, we still had to wait in line since they were reaching capacity.  Once it was our turn, we didn't have the "text" to get in (since we didn't know that's how you get in for free) and decided to go somewhere else.  I convinced my friends to head to Bar Siena since we were in the neighborhood.  Plus we could warm up inside and figure out where to go to next. 

The good news was, the dj started to play some good music.  We joked around and took a ton of pictures, and the next thing you know, we were itching to go somewhere else.  We took a chance on Estate, and luckily, stayed there until the end of the night.  My friend thought we should live it up and order a bottle of champagne, (which we did), but next time I might opt out and get my drinks at the bar.  It's pricey getting bottle service!  lol

 

Spreading myself thin...

Every year, I tell myself I will finish my Christmas shopping early, and every year I end up frantically looking for stuff to get on the 24th.  Talk about procrastination!  I really want to work on this because I loathe shopping at the last minute for people.  Not to mention, I sometimes feel I settle for something that might not be appropriate for them, but at least they got a gift from me.  NOT GOOD!  I want to be thoughtful on my gift giving and those things take time.  I fell in that trap again this year and I was miserable. 
I have a friend whose birthday lands on Christmas Eve, and since this time it landed on a Saturday, I had a feeling she might be celebrating on Friday instead.  I have not caught up with her since her birthday last year and felt terrible about that already.  We use to hangout years ago, but then our little group changed due to the breakups of our boyfriends.  I sometimes miss those days, but looking back, so much has happened after that.  Things changed.  I reached out to her via text and she told me she was going to be out for a birthday dinner but afterwards might step out elsewhere.  We played it by ear and I felt good about it.
Until I decided to do some more Christmas shopping.  Since now my aunt was hosting, and we found out a few days beforehand, I wanted to pick some gifts up for my cousins.  Because I was trying to rush to the stores to find something, I ended up slipping on ice and hurting myself.  That's what happens when you're mind is all over the place.  Besides bruising my ego, I got back up and ran off to 6 corners. 
I was on a roll looking for things when I received a text from the birthday girl.  Two friends had backed out of the dinner and she asked me if I could make it out by 8pm in place of them.  I was stuck.  There was no way I could get to Lincoln Park in 45 minutes.  I still had to go home and get ready and make my way there.  Plus I needed more time to finish up my shopping.  I told her I couldn't make it but to count me in after dinner if they go out.  She seemed fine with it, and I continued shopping for my cousins.
I made my way back home flustered, but satisfied.  I wanted to relax a bit, so I took my time getting ready.  I knew something was up when my phone was blowing up.  There was a group text with my friends going back and forth.  Our friend from Detroit was in town for the holidays.  She was at a nearby suburbs doing some shopping herself.  We were trying to set up a time and place to meet up, but it wasn't working out.  I continued getting ready and right when I was figuring out what to wear, I got a call from my Detroit friend:
"Get ready, we're coming to pick you up."
"Wait!  What?"
"We'll be there in 7.  We're going to Café Iberico."
YIKES!  I was stuck.  I thought about my friend in Lincoln Park.  Her dinner was at 8pm and now it's 9:15pm.  I was thinking about meeting them up after 10pm.  But since my other friend wanted to eat something at Café Iberico, we would be downtown.  I figured I'll take advantage of the free car ride and then excuse myself at one point to go join the other party.  I was spreading myself thin, but at the time it seemed like a good idea.
She arrived approximately in 7 minutes, just like she stated.  Off we went.  I miss her little baby.  We all caught up with one another and were enjoying ourselves.  I kept looking at my phone but did not hear from the birthday girl.  She texted me that she was still at the restaurant around 10:15pm.  I replied that I was making my way downtown, but I was trying to kill some more time.  I continued my evening with my friends and then she texted back after 11pm to come to the restaurant.
Over the years, she would normally paint the town red.  I was hoping she was going to do the same and go out so I could join her somewhere but she was still at the restaurant.  By this time. she had been at the restaurant for over 3 hours.  I panicked.  I told my friends I had to make this party and left.  I cabbed it over to Lincoln Park and made it in 10 minutes flat.  The party made it's way next door to a pub.  I joined them, but I knew something was up.  They were pretty drunk by now, but the party was much smaller.  Some people left after dinner.  As we caught up, there were so many changes in the works.  I felt bad missing out so much of her life.  To make matters worse, she was pretty hurt those 2 friends who did not show up to her party.  I felt incredibly guilty for showing up late.
I did not know what to do.  I felt I had let everyone down.  And I still wasn't done with my Christmas shopping.  I found out at the last minute that my step brother was going to join us for Christmas Eve dinner.  Another one I had to find a gift for.
I rode with my friend in a cab to make sure she got home ok.  It was the least I could do.  I just hope I didn't blow it with her.     

How could I leave him so soon?? 

I had to make more time for him!!  He lives so far away...

His Ralph Lauren sweater is on point!

Made it to see this babe!

I need to make it up to her somehow...

Holidays are OVER! Part 3

One of my favorite new traditions for the holiday season is definitely an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party.  At first, I thought it was a hilarious idea to get people together to make fun of each other.  But as the popularity grew, I now look forward to seeing my friends--PERIOD.  It's hard to see them during the holidays when everyone has so many commitments.  This is a perfect guarantee that we could touch base and see how we are doing.
The holidays are stressful for some.  It's the end of the year.  People reflect back.  We sometimes check in on our current situations to see if we're heading towards the right direction.  And sometimes we just know what's not working for us anymore. 
I noticed my mom was growing very irritated by the holidays.  I couldn't put my finger on it at first, mostly because she was complaining about how crowded the stores are, etc.  But then she started mentioning how she's not fond of certain people in our circle, and that's when I knew something was brewing.  Despite in the past, whether or not certain people were difficult to be around, we still as a family managed to get together during the holidays.  This time my mom was voicing her opinion, but for me and my brothers, we weren't having it.  I wasn't sure if she was trying to deter us from spending the holidays with others and keeping me and my brothers to herself,  Luckily my older brother took over the communication process and my younger aunt decided to host Christmas Eve at her house.  I know it seems a bit conniving, but me and my brothers all agreed that we didn't want to separate our family because of my mom feeling uncomfortable.  Sometimes I think she's embarrassed or ashamed of being a widow(?)  I wouldn't know how to explain her feelings because they are her thoughts, but I'm beginning to learn a lot from her and my family.
This year one of our friends wanted to throw an Ugly Christmas Sweater party at her new house out in the suburbs.  It's 45 minutes away from the city, so that alone was a hike.  Not to mention, she chose to throw it on a Sunday where no Metra trains run to her town.  Being car less sometimes has it's challenges.  Luckily my friend was coming also, so we met up in downtown to head south to Oarland Park.  To make matters worse, there was a snow storm heading our way.  I was hoping it would start later, but sure enough, the snow was hitting us hard during our commute there.  My friend has a truck so she was breezing through, but this type of weather could be difficult for smaller vehicles.
Once we got there, the party was just starting.  The group turned out to be smaller than intended due to the weather conditions.  Yet my friend seemed pretty happy people showed up.  She gave us a tour of her new home and we finally met her little son!  We had a good time catching up with one another and stayed put for the rest of the day.  I was surprised we left so late in the evening but knew it would be safer for us since the roads would be plowed by then.  As for the funniest sweater; we had a winner!!    

Found this sweater at Forever 21.  Not your typical Ugly Christmas sweater, but it does have reindeers on them...

Check out that spread!

FINALLY met the baby!!  He's adorable!

My friend with the baby and her Hanukkah sweater...

Our little party in the burbs.  The snow wouldn't stop!

What a great idea!  Collecting ornaments from all over to put on the tree.  My friend's made it's way to the top!

The winner of the Ugly Christmas Sweater!

Monday Mayhem

My commute to work was troubled due to a suicide jumper on the Blue Line.  At first, without knowing all the details, it cast a negative impact with all the riders.  Everyone wants to go to work and not be troubled.  Then word of mouth came from a fellow commuter that a person got hit and all service lines were stopped because of it.  Off I ran across the street to make it on the metra train.  I made it to work 2 minutes late and didn't think much about it, but because of the domino effect it had on the city, other people I worked with were late as well.  That's when I heard that a person committed suicide and jumped in front of a train. 
The responses were surprising.  "They had to do this during rush hour?", and "Why couldn't they do this on the train after mine?".  In the end, someone chose to end their life publicly and it's heart breaking.  I feel for the person who thought this was the answer to end whatever they were going through. 
I can understand how tough things can get.  I had a bad week last week.  News about family members, co-worker's and friends were pretty depressing.  As I get older, I pray that everyone finds peace within themselves.  Life can get frustrating.  Sometimes people check out.
Which is what hurt me about what happened.  Suicides are becoming more frequent on the cta.  I pray that people find the spirit to move past their hurt and trust that this too shall pass.  I wish we could find ways to incorporate more self awareness with stress and other mental issues in our daily lives.  Faith is what pulls me through!  It's not always going to be sunshine and roses.  There will be times when things won't go your way.  Just trust that everything will work itself out.
Last week on Monday a friend of ours was making his way through town.  He had an exam he had to take, and afterwards, wanted to catch up with everyone.  We decided on Happy Hour at The Scout and had a good group going.  Once we finished up in there, we were itching to do something fun with everyone.  We made our way over to Marina Towers to go to Spin Chicago.  Last time we were there, we never got a chance to play ping pong.  This time we were determined.  I was surprised how much fun I had in there.  I'm absolutely terrible when it comes down to sports of any kind.  But I will say this, I DO try anything once! 

I'm a sucker for margaritas.  Happy hour at The Scout!

Time for some ping pong action!

Let's do this!

A tub full of ping pong balls in a tub!  Perfect for a selfie!

Luckily the rules aren't so complicated...

It's good to connect with old friends...