Natale Con La Famiglia

I can’t believe I am recapping Christmas Eve on my blog.  I apologize for not keeping up.  The holidays along with other personal issues kept me away for a bit.  I needed a break in remembering how the year ended.  For the most part, I have yet to make any resolutions for 2018.  It’s not that I am slacking on myself.  These recent events took me by surprise, and I am slowly nursing myself back to normal.  This weekend I am planning on visiting my friend in Michigan.  We will be celebrating her birthday.  For the most part, she is bummed out about some things not working out for her and I decided on the last minute to visit her.  I know how it feels when things take you by surprise.

I want everyone to know, it’s ok to take some time off for yourself to regroup.  Life can be hard (I just never imagined how hard it can be when you lose someone).  Last year, I knew 5 people that passed away suddenly.  It is a growing reminder for me that I am getting older, but also that Life can be incredibly unfair.  I never in a million years want anyone to go through the hardships I’ve witnessed.  Seeing friends and family hurt broke my heart.

As a result, I felt incredibly guilty around Thanksgiving.  I knew I needed to get away (for myself mostly) and I did in early December.  But then the holidays were creeping up again, and I felt the sudden urge of sadness.  I can now see how the holidays can trigger strong emotions when someone passes away.  

Luckily, my friends and family knew of my struggles and were very helpful once more.  I didn’t realize that even recapping these sad moments could take me back to that time, but now that weeks have passed, I’m am getting excited for things to come.  The next few months will be filled with lots of planning, and hopefully I will share the news soon of what’s to come.

Back to recapping Christmas Eve!

I was out the night before with my friend who came into town for the holidays.  As a result of us getting a little crazy, we woke up to the sight of a blanket of snow.  This snowfall came out of nowhere.  We grabbed brunch and then we went home to rest up.  It was Christmas Eve and we knew it was going to be a full night ahead of us once more.

My brothers picked me up and we headed to my aunt’s place.  This was her first time hosting this year, and we enjoyed our night there.  My step brother also showed up which was a nice surprise. 

I got a bunch of gift cards which I can’t wait to use.  I am looking forward to this weekend in Michigan.  I am thinking this is the year I might visit my friends who have moved away from Chicago.  That could be a possible New Year’s Resolution…   

Floating

Do you ever feel like you’re “floating” through time?  Right now, my concept of time is off balance due to recent events.  I had someone ask me if I’m excited next week is Thanksgiving.  I answered that Halloween passed by too quickly.  Regardless, I’m emotionally pooped.

My friend lost her aunt unexpectedly.  In a matter of 2 weeks I’ve been to 2 funerals.  In hindsight, in the past 2 months I’ve known 4 people in total who have lost their lives.  Every single situation was truly heart breaking.  With the devastation in Puerto Rico from Hurricane Maria, and the domestic terrorism incident in Las Vegas, I never imagined in a million years some of the events I have witnessed.  My heart aches for my friends who have suffered the unimaginable. 

In the meantime, I wake up in the middle of the night and cry myself back to sleep.  I am constantly sad.  I try to fight off my thoughts and try to be optimistic but sometimes life can be unfair.  I can’t find the silver lining, or lesson learned, or any meaning except that shit happens.  I pray all the time for my friends and family’s safety.  I wish I could find a way to make things better.

At the funeral for my friend’s aunt, the rabbi mentioned to focus on what SHE would have wanted for her loved ones:  to move on.  Even if we are hurting with her gone, she would have wanted everyone to move past this and live their lives to the fullest.  I completely agreed with him.  He’s right.  That is what she would have wanted.  The least we could do is grant her that wish.

I felt anxious when I came home and napped it out since I’ve been barely sleeping.  Once I woke up I decided to go to a birthday party that I was invited to at the last minute.  I just didn’t want to be at home alone with my thoughts.  I made my way to Parlor off Randolph and met up with some friends.  It felt good not to think for a bit.  Luckily, since it was a birthday celebration, everyone was in good spirits.  We ended up at The Mid and danced around.  For this short moment, I saw happy faces, and it was worth it…

After party at The Mid!

Good times...

The House is up For Sale!

I finished up the month of March on my last entry.  As we are now in the month of May I’m aware I’m behind in my posts.  I finally finished reading my  book on Vagabonding, and in the meantime have kept busy practicing my Italian.

April was an interesting month.  It turned out to be a difficult time for me, with friction between friends as well as misunderstandings that created confusion.  I have not felt more out of place in years and feel very responsible for what is going on.  I’m a Gemini and we are the masters of communication!  I thought I was pretty good at making myself clear but now there’s so much uncertainty.  I do not know where I fit it.

Earlier in the month my friend wanted to get a group together for happy hour.  The weather was nice for a change and I was curious about the place they had chosen for drinks.  Ocean’s Cut is located on Kinzie street, and with a quick uber ride from my work, I was there in no time flat!  This particular day fell on a Tuesday, which was their weekly giveaway drawing on a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes!  Needless to say, there were more women present that evening, but the drawing itself was a big hit.  Women love shoes and I think this is a wonderful giveaway to generate business.  It was a fun evening with cocktails and stories.  I also got a chance to give my friend her souvenir gift from my trip. 

That upcoming weekend, my mom had me come over to sign some papers.  She had finally decided to sell the house.  I was surprised she did this, but now it is apparent we have to do something.  She wants a new change and feels this is the best decision for her.  I have to support her no matter what.  The realtor explained how the process will work in order to put the house up for sale and we all decided on the date to do it.  Until the meantime, my mom has to do some finishing touches before the photographer comes by to take pictures.  Everything has to look good by then so they can post it online.

Since it was a tough two hours, once the realtor left, I wanted to treat my mom to the movies to see “Beauty and the Beast”.  She was very excited and we went to the newly renovated Davis Theater in Lincoln Square.  I picked a late afternoon show so we could have dinner afterwards.  I noticed a new restaurant nearby and told my mom we were going to eat there.  It was called Art Tango and she loved her dish.  I just wanted her to get her mind off things before she headed back home.  I know she has her work cut out for her before the listing is posted.  So many changes in such little time.   

Let's Laugh!

Despite having a somber weekend with my family, the rest of the week I was hoping for something more uplifting.  I do not like being in a sad state of mind for too long, especially since I have to be strong for my mom.  With the recent health scare of a family member, as well as the death of a family friend, my mom has been very sensitive lately.  Depression can sneak up on people, and for now it wouldn't do us any good if we're both suffering.
I got a chance to have dinner with a friend later on that Thursday, but because of the funky mood I had with so much going on with my family, I ruined a good evening out.  I could not get out of my cranky mood and I feel terrible about this.  As we get older, receiving bad news wears down your tolerance.  You have to learn how to understand what's happening, as well as control your emotions.  It's easier said then done, but you don't want someone to be at the receiving end of your wrath because you are going through some hardships.  They are innocent in all of this and no one wants to be the person who snaps off all the time.  It's not a great feeling, trust me.
I did my best to control my issues following the rest of the evening, but the next day I was still bummed about how I acted the night before.  Little did I know my mood was going to change because of  my friend.  She wanted to celebrate her birthday that Friday at a comedy club in Schaumburg.  I couldn't help but think maybe this wasn't a good idea.  Friday traffic could make a 20 minute commute turn into an hour and a half.  Not to mention, none of my friends have heard of this comedian before, hence making us feel suspicious if we should bother coming out there at all.  My friend insisted this comedian was good and has seen his youtube videos.  She was the only one familiar with his work.  We all agreed to make her wishes come true since this is what she wanted to do for her birthday.  Off we went to the Chicago Improv Comedy Club for Jo Koy. 
Me and my friend were the first ones there, followed by her boyfriend.  Things started to get complicated when they told us all of our party had to be present in order for us to be seated.  How was that going to happen on a Friday night during rush hour?  We sent a group text letting everyone know what was up.  Luckily they allowed us to be seated after we had 6 guests.  The people at the door were very helpful with our situation.  They insisted they will let our other party join us once they arrived. 
Jo Koy was HILARIOUS!!!  We couldn't stop laughing!  This was something we all needed.  One of my friends had a baby 6 weeks ago.  This was her first night away from her son.  Another couple had a baby sitter so they were having a date night as well.  My other friends are always in a good spirits, so it was fun to see us all laughing along.  It was the best surprise that we could imagine!  The birthday girl had a blast as well.  If it wasn't up to her, we would never have done this.  I would definitely suggest anyone that is in a funk to go do something you normally would not do, and give it a chance.  You might be surprised what an adventure it could be!  As for that night, it was a perfect evening for us.  Life was good again.

  

With the anticipation of the Cubs possibly winning the World Series, many Chicagoans cannot stop talking about tonight's game.  It's no secret how long we've had a drought obtaining the championship, but what fascinates me is the die-hard fans that have been waiting for this moment their entire lives.  My brothers are HUGE fans of the Cubs.  Even though they love all of our Chicago teams, baseball definitely runs in their blood.  Back when we were kids growing up, my brothers fell in love with the 1984 Chicago Cubs.  There were so many good players in that team, it felt as though they were truly heroes in our city.  We use to live a couple of blocks away from Wrigley Field when we were kids.  I remember clearly looking out the window and seeing all the drunken fans walk by.  I use to think they were having so much fun.  I couldn't wait to grow up and join them.
Unfortunately, that year we didn't make it to the World Series.  My younger brothers were heartbroken about the loss.  My impact on sports changed quickly, and I never grew fond of it ever since.  Yes, I've joined the bandwagon of fans whenever one of our teams are winning.  I'm guilty of this.  Who doesn't love a winning team?  It's an amazing feeling to be a part of, yet the losing part is what scares me.  I see how depressed fans get.  For me, I never understood placing my sense of happiness on the outcome of a game.  I know my reason for this is because I have no love for sports whatsoever, but I cannot pass judgment when I've seen first hand how much it means to my brothers.  I have not followed any games this season, but I will pray for the fans to get the outcome they want so they could witness a World Series team in their lifetime.
The one thing that has made me baffled on the road for the championship is the sense of entitlement fans have when it comes down to their beloved Chicago Cubs.  They  assume we have the right to win because "it's long overdue".  I can understand the loyalty of fans cheering them on every year, but the reality is, EVERYONE wants their team to win.  Just like the fairytale ending we all hope to acquire one day, as time moves on in, we see how not everyone will get what they feel they deserve out of life.  It doesn't make them unworthy of such an ideal circumstance  It just means it's not for everyone.  Maybe something else was meant for our paths, but just like wishing the Cubs win the World Series, we have to grasp the concept that some things are just not meant to be.  For the meantime, let us remember to continue to live harmoniously with one another for a peaceful existence for our well being.  And GO CUBS!   

Family Time...

That same weekend I celebrated the birthday of my friend at Bar Deville, I also spent some time with my family.  The next day I went for coffee and cake to celebrate my little cousin's birthday.  She is still in high school, but she's growing up to be a wonderful young woman!  I'm so proud of her!  It was also the first time I got to see my mom since I've been back from my trip.  My mom was on a hectic work schedule and had only one day off.  The hotel is swamped right now, so we decided to see each other when she returned to a regular work week.  She did come by my uncle's house to wish my cousin happy birthday.  My uncle's mother was there too.  Unfortunately, her health is not so great, so for the  most part, my mom was attending to her.  I know my mom takes these things very personal with everything that she's been through these past 2 years.  I can see how hard it is for her to process bad news.  At one point I tried to make my mom feel a little bit better by giving her the postcards I got for her from Greece.  She loved them! 
To make matters worse, there was also the sudden death of a family friend.  He passed away that Friday night during rush hour.  My mom told me the news later on that evening.  His wake was the next day.  Me and my brother decided to go pay our respect that Sunday.  My mom was going to pass by our friend's place on her day off that following Tuesday.  I got chills pulling up to their apartment in Hyde Park.  Me and my brothers use to play with his kids, so it brought a lot of good memories back.  I miss those times!  We had so much fun.  I feel bad that my family lost their friend, and seeing his kids mourn their dad brought tears to my eyes.  They miss him so much!  We caught up with the daughters and met their new families.  They hold a special place in my heart.
I knew this was going to hit close to home with my mom.  She did came by after all and spoke to his widow.  They've been married for 40 years!  For me, personally, I'm glad I got to see my family during these difficult times of loss and anxiousness.  I pray that we continue to support one another. No one should have to go through this alone.  Life is precious!

Mother's Day

Sunday was Mother's Day and I snapped at my mom.  Yes, it sounds truly horrible, but I couldn't help it.  It came out of no where.  Part of me knows I didn't do the right thing.  Yet I am proud of it.  I want her to be aware that I AM AWARE that something is not right.  Let me explain...
I told my brothers ahead of time that I wanted to take my mom out to dinner for Mother's Day.  I figured if she works (which she usually does on Sundays) that it would be nice for her to come home and not worry about dinner.  I know it's traditional to take mom out for brunch, but dinner would better for us and it wouldn't be as crowded.  Let's face it.  Sometimes parents can be tricky.  Because I know my mom so well, I knew she would put up a fight and try to knock the idea down.  "You don't have to do anything.  Everyday is Mother's Day."  I wouldn't take no for an answer.  I told her we would pick her up and that's that.
When I went with my mom to her doctor's appointment two weeks ago, I got a chance to enjoy her company more because we were out of the house.  I am terribly allergic to her dog, not to mention my asthma kicks in as well.  She hates putting the dog away because he yelps so much and she feels guilty.  Meanwhile me and my other brother are dying and have to always cut our visits short to an hour or so.  We both take 24 hour allergy medication but those things only work for 2 hours max.  Then my wheezing sets in and I have to go.  It's a nuisance because we can't stay as long as we'd like.  Her dog means the world to her so it puts all of us in a bind.  What can you do?   
I figured my plan was fool proof but I could tell that she looked tired from work and really didn't want to go back out for dinner.  We settled at one of our favorite restaurants that's a few blocks away.  Las Tablas is a favorite of Chicagoans for good Colombian food since 1991.  We started to look over the menu.  I have been craving their chicken plate for months and was excited to order.  My mom, not so much.  "I think I'm going to have the soup," she said.  "SOUP???  We didn't come all the way here for you to order soup!!  Order something mommy!  You need to eat!"  I think I took everyone by surprise when I snapped but I couldn't help it.  She's lost a lot of weight and it's noticeable.  She had soup that day when I treated her to lunch after her doctor's appointment.  She needs to eat even if she doesn't feel like it.  I think back to some of our nightly conversations where she's mentioned how tired she is; how she's going straight to bed and not having any dinner because she's not hungry.  She's tired because she's depressed.  It sucks because for over 4 weeks they have scheduled her days off separately and not back to back.  She is so close to retiring but she's not getting the proper rest that she deserves.  She's a 65 year old woman who wants her full retirement.  She is pushing herself.  She's also gone through so much in a short amount of time.  She was going to therapy at one point but because of her work schedule changing her days off from week to week, she had trouble keeping her appointments.
I know she's depressed and I feel terrible about it.  I also think she has her good days and bad days.  We managed to continue our dinner and had some laughs.  There was someone at the restaurant who was taking pictures of all the families.  I thought it was a great idea and she loved her photo.  It was a sweet gesture on their part.  We continued catching up even when our dinner was over.  That's the one thing that did make the dinner impersonal.  We weren't quite in our dining room.  We were at a restaurant and we had to make our way out of there.
Yesterday we met up again at my mom's house for dinner.  She had both her days off back to back again, so she wanted to make dinner for us.  I made sure I took my 24 hour Allegra before I got there.  We had a nice time gossiping on family stuff.  She looked good.  In a few short months, her life will get a lot easier.  I can't wait...

Wore my old flare jeans with cork wedges.  I wish it would stay warm enough for sandals!

I figured I'll wear my floral print blazer for Mother's Day. 

My brother bought my mom this beautiful orchid!

Time for dinner at Las Tablas!

My mom and me...

Gotta love snapchat's filters...

Bros...



Empanadas for starters...

This chicken is PERFECT!!

My mom ate everything off her plate!  Breaded pork chops...

The infamous picture!  This was so sweet of them to do! 

MOTHER'S DAY IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER!!!

Just a friendly reminder!  I can't believe Mother's Day is THIS Sunday.  This year is moving too quickly for me.  Regardless, I spent some time with my mom last week on Monday.  Her schedule has been difficult lately due to her days off being split up.  It's hard for her to rest and run her errands.  Usually she has two consecutive days off but lately that hasn't been the case.  Me and my brothers haven't had dinner with her in weeks because of it.  Once she told me about her upcoming doctor's appointment, I made up my mind to accompany her so we can at least share the afternoon together. 
The weather worked out for us that day.  We decided to have lunch after her appointment, and I'm glad we did.  It gave us a chance to relax and unwind.  Since I haven't seen her weeks, I was surprised to find out at the doctor's office that she had lost so much weight.  I've been worried about her lately.  She's been anxious and I'm trying to pinpoint why.  I know she's counting down to the days of her retirement, but I want her to not get so worked up by things.  I feel she stresses herself out way too much. 
We had lunch at Beatrix in Streeterville and I loved it!  I ordered the warm pot roast sandwich with caramelized onions and my mom had the spring pea soup.  I insisted she ordered something with it, but unfortunately, her nerves were working against her that day.  At least she did enjoy her soup.  Back at the doctor's office they had her fill out a questionnaire about her symptoms and there was a section on her mental health.  It threw me off because I felt it was so unfair.  I know my mom has suffered a lot these past few years with her husband being sick, diagnosed, and then his passing.  I wish life would give her a break sometimes.  I still believe she will be fine, mostly because of the type of relationship she had with her husband.  Whether she knows it or not, she's a very tough woman.  She just has fragile emotions...




DELISH!!

My mom thought her soup was very freshly made...

One year anniversary...

I had a pretty eventful weekend again.  Nothing big, but it did keep me busy.  I went out to dinner on Friday and on Saturday me and my friends got together.  I didn't get a chance to talk to my mom either nights.  On Sunday I tried to call her, but her phone went straight to voicemail.  I finally talked to her last night.  That's when she reminded me that today will be the one year anniversary of her husband's death.  She sounded so sad.  I felt terrible because I knew it was coming up, but the exact date escaped my mind.
Some people say it will get easier; but what does that mean?  I know for my mom, this past year was very overwhelming for her.  For the first time in years she had to think for herself and not rely on her husband.  I can see that it is difficult for her to figure things out.  And I can relate.  Before my breakup 3 years ago, me and my boyfriend had plans.  All that had to change in a course of a few weeks and I never had the option to say what I wanted.  Everything happened so quickly.
I pray that my mom will find hope in moving on.  I pray that she will get some insight on what she would like to do for herself.  I wonder if there was anything she ever wanted to do; but hasn't?  Her retirement will be here in no time.  I want to be able to make some of her dreams come true, (if I could).
On Friday I was invited to dinner at Tanta Chicago.  Since I was observing Lent, I got a chance to indulge in the cebiche mixto which consisted of fish, squid, and shrimp.  Add plantain chips and it was delish!  The seafood sashimi with scallops was perfect.  Light but right.  We also ordered the plancha marina which was basically a stir fried seafood platter with vegetables.  I was pretty much satisfied but since I couldn't eat any of the carne, I know I have to come back and try some of their traditional plates.  I devoured two pisco sours and I was done for the evening.  I'm glad I went home because I got a chance to run my errands in some beautiful weather.  It reached nearly 60 degrees that Saturday!

I can't wait to go back!  Loved it!

I love a chilled evening...

  

Pisco Sours were wonderful!  I'm craving one right now...

I wore a simple tee with black skinny jeans.  I'm addicted to my bomber jacket because it has fleece sleeves.  I feel like I'm wearing a sweatshirt!  lol

   

Monday Blues

Last night David Bowie passed away.  I'm so sad about this.  He just celebrated a birthday a few days ago.  I think what surprised me the most was that he was battling cancer for the past 18 months.  The news media said very little of his health condition.  He even released a new album!  The fact that he did this privately shows me how difficult this must have been to keep his condition a secret.  Having a terminal illness puts people in a awkward situation.  They first have to come in terms of their illness and then consult their options with doctors and family.  Who they share this information with afterwards is the hard part.  My heart goes out to Iman and Bowie's family.  This is devastating news to the music industry and to the world.  He was a true visionary. 
For the past 2 months, the holidays came and went, but one thing that never left my mind was making sure my mom felt loved and needed.  She was emotional on Thanksgiving, and on Christmas Eve, she left to go home early after having dinner at my aunt's.  New Year's Eve she did the same thing since she had to get up early to go to work.  Since then things have slowed down at her job, so she's been at home resting.  Unfortunately, now the weather has gone frigid.  I want to make sure she doesn't go crazy being stuck at home.  I know I have!  I stayed in this past weekend because of the weather, too, but having cabin fever is a problem when you have nothing to do.  I downloaded an album off iTunes and blasted away so that helped.  Plus the Golden Globes was on last night and that was pretty entertaining.  Sometimes you have to use these pastimes to not drive yourself crazy. 
Back to last November's events.  After Thanksgiving Thursday, I stayed in for Black Friday.  I knew I might go crazy with all of the sales going on, but I really wanted to focus on finishing up all of my Christmas shopping first.  It's hard to stay on track by budgeting alone, and since I started to focus on my apartment more these past few months, I think it helped me feel at "home" finally.  I have slowly bought a few Christmas pieces to my place.  Instead of a traditional Christmas tree, I bought an LED birch tree to display in front of my fireplace.  I figured it would be easier than to get a tree and having to get ornaments for it.  I also figured out that it DOES take time to get those special Christmas pieces you want to fill up in your home.  You can't just go out and buy everything you want because it takes years to get what you are really looking for.  I'm secretly jealous of what my mom has for her Christmas decorations, but I know for a fact they've been around for over 20 years.  You can't get this stuff anywhere else, plus every year there's always new things being put out to add to your home.  I made it a point to buy things I really love and not get things to "fill up" in the meantime.

That following Saturday my friend invited us to her dad's birthday celebration.  Her parents are well known in the Filipino community, so there were a lot of people at her parents' house.  I loved the fact that so many people showed up despite the cold weather we were having that day.  Plus it was nice seeing my friends since Thanksgiving is the start of the holiday craze.  I also got a chance to see my friend's baby boy.  He was born back in July and the last time I saw him was in September.  We had a good time that day and even stayed out at their place past midnight!  Time flies when you're having fun!


The birthday boy!



HUGE TURNOUT!



He's getting so big!



The money shot!  You don't know how hard it was for us to get him to look at the camera!  lol

Thankful it's Friday!

We did it!  We survived the first official work week of the year!  I have to saw, it's been a tough week considering how slow it gets during the holidays.  Now that it's business as usual, I've been pretty sluggish.  I think it's because I took some days off during the holidays.  It made me lazy.  I'm hoping by next week I'll be back to my usual routine.  Not to mention, I've barely made it out to the gym this week.  Not a good way to start off making those resolutions.
While we're on the subject of resolutions, one of mine is to budget more carefully with my money this year.  I would like to build up my savings, plus trip book another trip.  I'm still working on when and where, but it's exciting thinking about all the possibilities!
When it comes to November, the obvious thing that comes up on everyone's mind is Thanksgiving.  It is definitely becoming one of my favorite holidays, mostly because it gets my family together.  Unfortunately, my family is not as close as I would like it to be, but this gives everyone a chance to catch up with one another.  My mom insisted that we had Thanksgiving at her house this year.  Over the years, my mom and my aunts usually discuss hosting duties, but my mom wanted to do things differently.  She was pretty emotional around this time, and I realized it was because it was a major holiday without her husband.  She just wanted me and my brothers with her and no one else.  I think everyone understood and left her alone on this.  She is still grieving.   It's ok if she wanted something more intimate.  She also reached out to our step brother to see if he would join us, and he did.  It was nice seeing him as well.  We haven't had the chance to see him much since his dad passed away. 
Regardless, my mom cooked up a mean turkey and we all had a blast.  I think my mom wanted to feel like a mom again and take care of us for a night.  There's nothing wrong with that.

I like my new bomber jacket.  Reminds me of the singer The Weeknd! 

I wore my burnt orange rag & bone jeggings.  They kind of match my carpet.  lol

 My step brother with my older brother.  Technically I'm the oldest but he's the one in charge..

My two brothers.  I'm the only girl in this household...

Me and my mom.  This was a tough time for her.  I hope she knows we're all here for her...

My mom in the kitchen.  Everything came out perfectly!

The table is all set!

Lucky is my mom and her husband's dog.  Even though I'm terribly allergic to him, I'm glad he's there keeping my mom company.  He's over 2 years old, but still a puppy.  He keeps my mom on her toes.