Holidays are OVER part 4!

It's been almost a month since the holidays are over yet it feels much longer.  One thing that freaks me out as I get older is how fast time flies.  Moments become instant memories in an instant.  You don't have time to process anything.  It's already slipped your fingers.  I've had people come in and out of my life who've affected me deeply yet we only came in contact for a brief time.  I'm saddened by some recent events, and wonder if I can ever truly get use to people being out of my life.  Their imprint has branded a place in my heart deeply...
On Christmas Eve Saturday, I was out at the stores.  A friend of mine had texted me at 1am that Friday night when I had just gotten home from the birthday party.  She wanted to see me at one point so we could exchange gifts.  I panicked.  I was hoping she wouldn't do such a thing, since I normally don't exchange gifts with friends, but we have spent a lot of time together this past year.  I have not known her as long as my close friends, but she's an amazing person and was flattered she got me something.  Since it was late after all, I let her know that my family celebrates Christmas Eve and we would have to touch base sometime this weekend, but I knew I was in a jam.  Since everything would be closed on Sunday for Christmas Day, I had to get her something beforehand.
I was completely tensed up when I got up that day.  My shoulders hurt so much.  I felt too stiff and did not have much sleep because of it.  I got a lucky break when my friend texted me if I wanted to workout.  He was going to head to a department store first to finish up some shopping himself and asked if I wanted to tag along.  I jumped at the opportunity.
We headed down Elston and there was traffic brewing already.  The store was in mayhem, but we managed to find stuff in the hour we were there.  I was pretty satisfied with my gifts, but it didn't stop my shoulders from hurting.  I was on the verge of tears from all of the stress leading up to tonight.  At the gym I used low weights because of how much my body ached.  I figured my body needed to move so I could loosen up.  My friend was great at hearing me out.  I am lucky he was around.  I just needed someone to vent at. 
Once we got back from the gym, I slowly got ready.  My little brother was working that evening and was going to pick me up once he got off from work.  I finished wrapping up my gifts and was ready to get this day over with.  I wasn't enjoy any of this so far.
We arrived to my aunt's place at the same time my other brother and my mom got there.  I could tell my mom seemed sad, but with so much commotion going on in the house, I couldn't check up on her like I wanted to.  I was glad my step brother was already there waiting for us.  He seemed fine to be there, but he ended up leaving after dinner.  He said he wasn't feeling that well when he got there but I couldn't tell if he was telling the truth.  For my mom and him, I knew my step dad was on their mind this day. 
Dinner was the best part of the night.  Me and my brothers always joke around.  We tried to keep the mood light hearted.  Once the conversation headed towards politics and religion, things tensed up again.  I concluded that most families probably can't help but bring up such issues during the holidays.
Finally the moment we've been waiting for all night had arrived and we all hugged and wished each other Merry Christmas.  With the news surrounding the deaths of much loved celebrities, I was grateful that my family was safe and healthy.
How did you spend the holidays?  Was it stressful like mine?  lol.  My moment of clarity was seeing my brothers receive the gifts that I gave them.  I bought them the Chicago Cubs Championship winter hats which were sold out everywhere.  I lucked out finding them but seeing the smiles on my brothers faces was all worth it!

Made it to my aunt's!



My brothers and step brother...

Christmas sweets!

Family pic.  I'm glad we are all safe and healthy.  They mean the world to me.

Family Time...

That same weekend I celebrated the birthday of my friend at Bar Deville, I also spent some time with my family.  The next day I went for coffee and cake to celebrate my little cousin's birthday.  She is still in high school, but she's growing up to be a wonderful young woman!  I'm so proud of her!  It was also the first time I got to see my mom since I've been back from my trip.  My mom was on a hectic work schedule and had only one day off.  The hotel is swamped right now, so we decided to see each other when she returned to a regular work week.  She did come by my uncle's house to wish my cousin happy birthday.  My uncle's mother was there too.  Unfortunately, her health is not so great, so for the  most part, my mom was attending to her.  I know my mom takes these things very personal with everything that she's been through these past 2 years.  I can see how hard it is for her to process bad news.  At one point I tried to make my mom feel a little bit better by giving her the postcards I got for her from Greece.  She loved them! 
To make matters worse, there was also the sudden death of a family friend.  He passed away that Friday night during rush hour.  My mom told me the news later on that evening.  His wake was the next day.  Me and my brother decided to go pay our respect that Sunday.  My mom was going to pass by our friend's place on her day off that following Tuesday.  I got chills pulling up to their apartment in Hyde Park.  Me and my brothers use to play with his kids, so it brought a lot of good memories back.  I miss those times!  We had so much fun.  I feel bad that my family lost their friend, and seeing his kids mourn their dad brought tears to my eyes.  They miss him so much!  We caught up with the daughters and met their new families.  They hold a special place in my heart.
I knew this was going to hit close to home with my mom.  She did came by after all and spoke to his widow.  They've been married for 40 years!  For me, personally, I'm glad I got to see my family during these difficult times of loss and anxiousness.  I pray that we continue to support one another. No one should have to go through this alone.  Life is precious!

TREAT YOURSELF!!

Last year around this time, I treated myself to see Sam Smith in concert.  I knew he was coming in town, and got SUPER excited when I looked into tickets.  I bought a ticket right away before even asking anyone if they wanted to come with me.  Before you knew it, the show was sold out.  I figured I'll just go by myself.  I've never done anything like that before, and I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!  I decided at that moment that no matter what, I would treat myself once a month to do something that I wanted to do.  It was part of my New Year's Resolution for 2015.
The following month the movie 50 Shades of Grey came out, and me and my girlfriend went as each other's dates on Valentine's Day.  lol.  We were both going through a tough time.  My mom's husband was nearing the end of his terminal illness.  Despite our current situations, me and my girlfriend still wanted romance in our lives.  We had a good time and met up with some friends afterwards for drinks.  I checked off February's treat with a sexy movie.
My mom's husband passed away towards the end of February and then she went into a depression.  It was a hard time for all of us.  I completely forgot about myself and was consumed with my mom's well being.  Before you knew it, months passed by and it was nearing my birthday.  I was starting to feel hopeful again, and booked my trip to Paris and Italy without even thinking about it.  I knew I wanted to leave asap, but in the meantime, I still had to go through the summer before my big trip came up.  I took up softball at my firm's league, and then took some dance lessons afterwards to kill some time.  I spent last summer getting to know myself again. 
Coming back from my trip, I got carried away with birthday parties and mingling, but completely stopped my treats-to-myself.  Now that it's 2016, I want to continue my little tradition of taking myself out again.  I can't wait to line up some activities for the year!  I'm getting excited again just thinking about it...
After spending New Year's Eve in the suburbs, my dad wanted me and my brothers to come by again for dinner at his house.  It was Friday night again, and I couldn't agree more on spending it with family this time.  I'm worried about my dad and his finances.  He's 70 years old and still working 2 jobs.  He told us this is the year he will cut back on work but it breaks my heart he won't slow down.  He seems physically and mentally fine, but there has been troubles at home which makes me wonder if he's purposely overworking himself.  I've been so busy checking in on my mom that I forget to see how my dad is doing.  No matter how well you're doing, don't get too selfish to reach out to others.  Sometimes all they need is to have someone hear them out.  It makes a world of a difference plus you could offer them insight on their troubles. 

Happiness is seeing my family happy...

My Dad's wife made pozole!  A Mexican traditional dish used for special occasions.  It's perfect on a cold, January night!

The garnishes for pozole!

The hardest working man I know.  He just won't stop...

Family Life...

Still got lots to blog about concerning events back in July.  I need to finish this month quickly before the holidays take place.  Back in July my dad had family visiting us from Puerto Rico.  Most of my dad's side of my family never moved to Chicago.  This was a nice change in pace since my dad is usually the one who goes out and visits them. 
For the most part, my dad was absent when I was a kid.  My parents divorced when I was eight years old.  Things got kind of messy because I remember my mom saying bad things about him.  Whether or not they were true about him, I wouldn't know, but one thing DID stand out and that was the fact that he was never around.  Period.  I remember him visiting us one or twice every 6 months at first, but then it turned into years, and he would disappear.  My mom really needed money from him, but he did not pay child support.  She would try to call him at work, but he would not pick up the phone.  There were moments when she worked two jobs to support us.  I was still pretty young.  It was a nerve wrecking time for us because she would leave us alone a lot to be at work.  This was back in the late 80s and the laws were less strict because divorce was not as common as they are now.  My mom eventually hired a lawyer, and in the end, they brought my dad to court.  If he didn't agree to pay for back pay, he was going to go to jail. 
My mom won the case and my dad indeed DID pay for back pay child support.  But by now I was already 18 years old.  I was already an adult.  It was a bitter sweet victory for us, but he still did not come around as much. 
I moved out of my mom's apartment when I was 20 years old.  I got my own place with my boyfriend at the time.  Little by little my dad started to pop back into our lives, but I was over it.  I had my new life and I was a young adult ready to move things forward with my boyfriend.  Eventually our relationship fizzled out 5 years later, but I refused to move back home.  I had too much pride in asking anyone for help.  I ended up moving in with two friends of mine temporarily. 
My brothers started having a relationship with our father.  I was confused because I had no desire to spend time with him, but my brothers jumped at the chance whenever he called.   As time moved on,  I basically saw him whenever it was convenient for me and never made the effort.  I was too busy, or really didn't care to see him as well.  What for?  I needed him back then when I was a kid, not now as an adult. 
When I reached 31 years old, my dad brought us together and told us he wanted us to come with him to Puerto Rico to meet the rest of our aunts and uncles.  I wasn't interested, but my mom took me aside and told me to go.  "You don't understand.  I just never thought he would come back.  You should meet them."  I was taken aback.  I didn't realize I was holding it against him that he wasn't around most of my life.  I was holding a grudge, and my mom was telling me to let it go. 
How do you let it go?  So many emotions come to mind, but I was surprised she was telling me this.  Especially since she always made him sound bad.  In actuality, I really didn't know my dad very well.  Maybe this trip was a way to get to know him and see what he's about.
When me and my brothers went to Puerto Rico, one thing that stood out the most was how "surprised" people were whenever our dad introduced us as his children.  They had no idea he had a family.  I didn't know what to make of it at the time, but looking back, I wonder why he hid us in the first place.  What was it about us that made him disappear? 
I did enjoy meeting our aunts and uncles, and listening to stories about their upbringing.  My grandfather (my dad's dad) passed away pretty young at 45, so my dad ended up taking over taking care of his mom and the rest of his brothers and sisters.  To this day, he still sends money over there to support them financially. 
As to why he never did this with us is still a mystery to me.  For the most part, my mom told me when I was a young girl to take care of myself and to support myself because "men leave".  From that moment on, I never relied on anyone to support me financially.  I tried figuring it out myself.  I sometimes had a part-time job for play (makeup; clothes) as well as my full time job (rent, bills).
Now that I'm older, I'm still figuring out where to file certain people in my life.  It's a hard decision to make sometimes when people hurt you.   Sometimes all they teach you is how hurtful people can be, plain and simple...

The men in my life...

My aunts and uncles from Puerto Rico.  My Dad has a huge family out thee that never moved to Chicago...