In My Feelings

Sorry I have been MIA.  My feelings are getting the best of me.  My birthday is next week and I am in a funk.  Actually, it started back in mid-May.  I hate that I get this way.  I’m beginning to dread my birthday and there’s nothing I can do about it.

I think I figured out why that is.  I think it’s a combination of getting older among other things.  There also was an incident in my past that has led me to believe I will never truly celebrate my birthday again.

My breakup started around my birthday.  To make matters worse, it lasted all that summer.  Sometimes I get flashbacks from summer festivities which remind me where I was 7 years ago.  I can’t believe it’s been that long and it still hurts.  It’s not only the fact that I thought things were fine with us.  It’s how everything slowly unraveled and I couldn’t do anything about it.  I was completely helpless.

I realize now how much I sacrificed to make him “happy”.  This is something that gets me upset from time to time.  I finally learned that was the wrong thing to do in a relationship.  It does not serve anything except bring insecurities to the surface.  We should have dealt with it back then when the issue arose.   

Ever since our breakup I slowly dived into traveling because that was one of the things I didn’t do when I was with him.  Now I can’t stop planning my next trip.  I love browsing through sites to get travel inspiration.  As of now, I am planning a weekend getaway next week to see an art exhibit in Detroit.  I can’t wait.

Back when I returned from Turkey, my best friend from Italy was coming into Chicago two days later.  I went to work that Wednesday and met up with my friend for dinner the next day.  They stayed at a hotel in Streeterville and ended up having dinner reservations 2 blocks away.  I went home from work, showered up, and then hopped in an uber.  We ended up at Gyu-Kaku Japanese bbq.  My friend’s husband grilled the meat.  It was delish.  I wish my friend stayed in town longer, but I understand they had to leave soon.  I miss the times we use to share when we were younger!  We would take weekend getaways to New York, Miami or Vegas.  I miss our girl time together…