The House is up For Sale!

I finished up the month of March on my last entry.  As we are now in the month of May I’m aware I’m behind in my posts.  I finally finished reading my  book on Vagabonding, and in the meantime have kept busy practicing my Italian.

April was an interesting month.  It turned out to be a difficult time for me, with friction between friends as well as misunderstandings that created confusion.  I have not felt more out of place in years and feel very responsible for what is going on.  I’m a Gemini and we are the masters of communication!  I thought I was pretty good at making myself clear but now there’s so much uncertainty.  I do not know where I fit it.

Earlier in the month my friend wanted to get a group together for happy hour.  The weather was nice for a change and I was curious about the place they had chosen for drinks.  Ocean’s Cut is located on Kinzie street, and with a quick uber ride from my work, I was there in no time flat!  This particular day fell on a Tuesday, which was their weekly giveaway drawing on a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes!  Needless to say, there were more women present that evening, but the drawing itself was a big hit.  Women love shoes and I think this is a wonderful giveaway to generate business.  It was a fun evening with cocktails and stories.  I also got a chance to give my friend her souvenir gift from my trip. 

That upcoming weekend, my mom had me come over to sign some papers.  She had finally decided to sell the house.  I was surprised she did this, but now it is apparent we have to do something.  She wants a new change and feels this is the best decision for her.  I have to support her no matter what.  The realtor explained how the process will work in order to put the house up for sale and we all decided on the date to do it.  Until the meantime, my mom has to do some finishing touches before the photographer comes by to take pictures.  Everything has to look good by then so they can post it online.

Since it was a tough two hours, once the realtor left, I wanted to treat my mom to the movies to see “Beauty and the Beast”.  She was very excited and we went to the newly renovated Davis Theater in Lincoln Square.  I picked a late afternoon show so we could have dinner afterwards.  I noticed a new restaurant nearby and told my mom we were going to eat there.  It was called Art Tango and she loved her dish.  I just wanted her to get her mind off things before she headed back home.  I know she has her work cut out for her before the listing is posted.  So many changes in such little time.   

Holidays are OVER! Part 3

One of my favorite new traditions for the holiday season is definitely an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party.  At first, I thought it was a hilarious idea to get people together to make fun of each other.  But as the popularity grew, I now look forward to seeing my friends--PERIOD.  It's hard to see them during the holidays when everyone has so many commitments.  This is a perfect guarantee that we could touch base and see how we are doing.
The holidays are stressful for some.  It's the end of the year.  People reflect back.  We sometimes check in on our current situations to see if we're heading towards the right direction.  And sometimes we just know what's not working for us anymore. 
I noticed my mom was growing very irritated by the holidays.  I couldn't put my finger on it at first, mostly because she was complaining about how crowded the stores are, etc.  But then she started mentioning how she's not fond of certain people in our circle, and that's when I knew something was brewing.  Despite in the past, whether or not certain people were difficult to be around, we still as a family managed to get together during the holidays.  This time my mom was voicing her opinion, but for me and my brothers, we weren't having it.  I wasn't sure if she was trying to deter us from spending the holidays with others and keeping me and my brothers to herself,  Luckily my older brother took over the communication process and my younger aunt decided to host Christmas Eve at her house.  I know it seems a bit conniving, but me and my brothers all agreed that we didn't want to separate our family because of my mom feeling uncomfortable.  Sometimes I think she's embarrassed or ashamed of being a widow(?)  I wouldn't know how to explain her feelings because they are her thoughts, but I'm beginning to learn a lot from her and my family.
This year one of our friends wanted to throw an Ugly Christmas Sweater party at her new house out in the suburbs.  It's 45 minutes away from the city, so that alone was a hike.  Not to mention, she chose to throw it on a Sunday where no Metra trains run to her town.  Being car less sometimes has it's challenges.  Luckily my friend was coming also, so we met up in downtown to head south to Oarland Park.  To make matters worse, there was a snow storm heading our way.  I was hoping it would start later, but sure enough, the snow was hitting us hard during our commute there.  My friend has a truck so she was breezing through, but this type of weather could be difficult for smaller vehicles.
Once we got there, the party was just starting.  The group turned out to be smaller than intended due to the weather conditions.  Yet my friend seemed pretty happy people showed up.  She gave us a tour of her new home and we finally met her little son!  We had a good time catching up with one another and stayed put for the rest of the day.  I was surprised we left so late in the evening but knew it would be safer for us since the roads would be plowed by then.  As for the funniest sweater; we had a winner!!    

Found this sweater at Forever 21.  Not your typical Ugly Christmas sweater, but it does have reindeers on them...

Check out that spread!

FINALLY met the baby!!  He's adorable!

My friend with the baby and her Hanukkah sweater...

Our little party in the burbs.  The snow wouldn't stop!

What a great idea!  Collecting ornaments from all over to put on the tree.  My friend's made it's way to the top!

The winner of the Ugly Christmas Sweater!

Mother's Day

Sunday was Mother's Day and I snapped at my mom.  Yes, it sounds truly horrible, but I couldn't help it.  It came out of no where.  Part of me knows I didn't do the right thing.  Yet I am proud of it.  I want her to be aware that I AM AWARE that something is not right.  Let me explain...
I told my brothers ahead of time that I wanted to take my mom out to dinner for Mother's Day.  I figured if she works (which she usually does on Sundays) that it would be nice for her to come home and not worry about dinner.  I know it's traditional to take mom out for brunch, but dinner would better for us and it wouldn't be as crowded.  Let's face it.  Sometimes parents can be tricky.  Because I know my mom so well, I knew she would put up a fight and try to knock the idea down.  "You don't have to do anything.  Everyday is Mother's Day."  I wouldn't take no for an answer.  I told her we would pick her up and that's that.
When I went with my mom to her doctor's appointment two weeks ago, I got a chance to enjoy her company more because we were out of the house.  I am terribly allergic to her dog, not to mention my asthma kicks in as well.  She hates putting the dog away because he yelps so much and she feels guilty.  Meanwhile me and my other brother are dying and have to always cut our visits short to an hour or so.  We both take 24 hour allergy medication but those things only work for 2 hours max.  Then my wheezing sets in and I have to go.  It's a nuisance because we can't stay as long as we'd like.  Her dog means the world to her so it puts all of us in a bind.  What can you do?   
I figured my plan was fool proof but I could tell that she looked tired from work and really didn't want to go back out for dinner.  We settled at one of our favorite restaurants that's a few blocks away.  Las Tablas is a favorite of Chicagoans for good Colombian food since 1991.  We started to look over the menu.  I have been craving their chicken plate for months and was excited to order.  My mom, not so much.  "I think I'm going to have the soup," she said.  "SOUP???  We didn't come all the way here for you to order soup!!  Order something mommy!  You need to eat!"  I think I took everyone by surprise when I snapped but I couldn't help it.  She's lost a lot of weight and it's noticeable.  She had soup that day when I treated her to lunch after her doctor's appointment.  She needs to eat even if she doesn't feel like it.  I think back to some of our nightly conversations where she's mentioned how tired she is; how she's going straight to bed and not having any dinner because she's not hungry.  She's tired because she's depressed.  It sucks because for over 4 weeks they have scheduled her days off separately and not back to back.  She is so close to retiring but she's not getting the proper rest that she deserves.  She's a 65 year old woman who wants her full retirement.  She is pushing herself.  She's also gone through so much in a short amount of time.  She was going to therapy at one point but because of her work schedule changing her days off from week to week, she had trouble keeping her appointments.
I know she's depressed and I feel terrible about it.  I also think she has her good days and bad days.  We managed to continue our dinner and had some laughs.  There was someone at the restaurant who was taking pictures of all the families.  I thought it was a great idea and she loved her photo.  It was a sweet gesture on their part.  We continued catching up even when our dinner was over.  That's the one thing that did make the dinner impersonal.  We weren't quite in our dining room.  We were at a restaurant and we had to make our way out of there.
Yesterday we met up again at my mom's house for dinner.  She had both her days off back to back again, so she wanted to make dinner for us.  I made sure I took my 24 hour Allegra before I got there.  We had a nice time gossiping on family stuff.  She looked good.  In a few short months, her life will get a lot easier.  I can't wait...

Wore my old flare jeans with cork wedges.  I wish it would stay warm enough for sandals!

I figured I'll wear my floral print blazer for Mother's Day. 

My brother bought my mom this beautiful orchid!

Time for dinner at Las Tablas!

My mom and me...

Gotta love snapchat's filters...

Bros...



Empanadas for starters...

This chicken is PERFECT!!

My mom ate everything off her plate!  Breaded pork chops...

The infamous picture!  This was so sweet of them to do! 

Monday Blues

Last night David Bowie passed away.  I'm so sad about this.  He just celebrated a birthday a few days ago.  I think what surprised me the most was that he was battling cancer for the past 18 months.  The news media said very little of his health condition.  He even released a new album!  The fact that he did this privately shows me how difficult this must have been to keep his condition a secret.  Having a terminal illness puts people in a awkward situation.  They first have to come in terms of their illness and then consult their options with doctors and family.  Who they share this information with afterwards is the hard part.  My heart goes out to Iman and Bowie's family.  This is devastating news to the music industry and to the world.  He was a true visionary. 
For the past 2 months, the holidays came and went, but one thing that never left my mind was making sure my mom felt loved and needed.  She was emotional on Thanksgiving, and on Christmas Eve, she left to go home early after having dinner at my aunt's.  New Year's Eve she did the same thing since she had to get up early to go to work.  Since then things have slowed down at her job, so she's been at home resting.  Unfortunately, now the weather has gone frigid.  I want to make sure she doesn't go crazy being stuck at home.  I know I have!  I stayed in this past weekend because of the weather, too, but having cabin fever is a problem when you have nothing to do.  I downloaded an album off iTunes and blasted away so that helped.  Plus the Golden Globes was on last night and that was pretty entertaining.  Sometimes you have to use these pastimes to not drive yourself crazy. 
Back to last November's events.  After Thanksgiving Thursday, I stayed in for Black Friday.  I knew I might go crazy with all of the sales going on, but I really wanted to focus on finishing up all of my Christmas shopping first.  It's hard to stay on track by budgeting alone, and since I started to focus on my apartment more these past few months, I think it helped me feel at "home" finally.  I have slowly bought a few Christmas pieces to my place.  Instead of a traditional Christmas tree, I bought an LED birch tree to display in front of my fireplace.  I figured it would be easier than to get a tree and having to get ornaments for it.  I also figured out that it DOES take time to get those special Christmas pieces you want to fill up in your home.  You can't just go out and buy everything you want because it takes years to get what you are really looking for.  I'm secretly jealous of what my mom has for her Christmas decorations, but I know for a fact they've been around for over 20 years.  You can't get this stuff anywhere else, plus every year there's always new things being put out to add to your home.  I made it a point to buy things I really love and not get things to "fill up" in the meantime.

That following Saturday my friend invited us to her dad's birthday celebration.  Her parents are well known in the Filipino community, so there were a lot of people at her parents' house.  I loved the fact that so many people showed up despite the cold weather we were having that day.  Plus it was nice seeing my friends since Thanksgiving is the start of the holiday craze.  I also got a chance to see my friend's baby boy.  He was born back in July and the last time I saw him was in September.  We had a good time that day and even stayed out at their place past midnight!  Time flies when you're having fun!


The birthday boy!



HUGE TURNOUT!



He's getting so big!



The money shot!  You don't know how hard it was for us to get him to look at the camera!  lol

Time heals all wounds...

Since I'm still technically behind 6 months of posting, it's coming to the point where it got dark for me and my family.  The thought of my mom being a widow has been stuck in my head for a couple of years now.  Her husband survived 3 heart attacks in the past 6 years.  As soon as he turned 50 years old, his health changed.  I think our health is something we sometimes take for granted.  He LOVED red meat, was a smoker, and basically ate whatever he wanted.  I'm not sure if he regularly exercised, but he was also out of work for some years, so he stuck around the house from then on.  Since he was diagnosed from April 2014 of a terminal illness, he did get into a depression.  It was starting to sink in for him that his time was running out.
My mom got in a panic mode because she wanted to be by his side all the time.  The problem was he sometimes wanted to be left alone.  He grew agitated and angry and would take it out on her.  His body ached.  He was growing weak and everything hurt.  I knew he was physically suffering, but mentally he was too, and it was affecting my mom as well.  She would look at him helplessly.  All I could do was try to brighten up the mood but he looked annoyed if anything. 
I would struggle going over there to visit.  I felt as if I shouldn't be there at all; that my presence was making things worse.  Sometimes my mom would tell me not to come by.  He was having a bad day she would say.  It's not fair to tell someone to lighten up when they're dying.  It's not a justified thought at all.  For some months it seemed normal to come by and check up on both of them.  But once the holidays hit, he was growing thinner and thinner, and we knew something was happening again.  To see a man deteriorate the way he did was the hardest thing I've ever witnessed.  To see my mom cry to herself was the hardest thing I've ever witnessed also.  He was suffering and there was nothing we could do.  He hated taking morphine, but at least he would knock out for hours.  He was barely awake now.  The tumor was coming out of his nose.  His tears would bleed.  This was not how things were suppose to happen. 
I was growing angry.  Angry to the point that I knew what was happening wasn't "fair".  Why is he going through this?  That's a dangerous mindset to enter, but I was going there.  In a spiritual sense, it doesn't make things easier when you start questioning God.  If anything, you're stepping out of line.  But it happens.  It happens to a lot of people when Life isn't fair, but it's important to remember that we ALL WILL BE TESTED AT ONE POINT IN TIME.  Tested by a higher power.  Tested by your sanity.  Tested by loved ones.  It's a fact of life and how you handle it will determine the outcome.
I'm writing this today because 6 months ago I was angry.  But it passed.  This whole ordeal DID pass. Although my mom is still adjusting to her new life without him, IT PASSED.  Time does heal all wounds.  We weathered this storm but it was a long one for us.  Never lose hope that things won't get better because they do.  All you need is FAITH and it WILL pass... 

Throwback Thursday to New Year's Eve 2014

Tonight I'm having dinner at my mom's.  As usual, summer brings a lot of activities which makes it hard to blog.  I went a little crazy in June, but I'm almost done reminiscing 2014.  Looking back I see how difficult things were for my mother.  She's still adjusting to getting a routine down.  Flashback to 6 months ago on New Year's Eve.  I remembered how much I wanted 2014 to be over.  It's finally here!  The last night of the year!  Time to move forward to bigger and brighter things.  The problem was, there was still that dark cloud around us.  My mom's husband was still around.  He was still dying.  And it was affecting my mom terribly. 
He made it through the summer.  Actually, things seemed to have stabilized.  It was weird because he was fine.  He would sit outside and watch people on the front porch during the summer.  My mom was very nervous to leave him alone at the house.  She walked out of her job and was out of work for 2 months.  She wanted to be with him.  But since everything was "ok", she eventually went back to work in the fall.  Not to mention, sitting around the house was making her restless.  It was a strange time for our family.
Around Thanksgiving is when things were still good.  We had a great dinner and he enjoyed himself.  My family participates in a grab bag for gifts but he had a different agenda.  Up until Christmas he ended up getting gifts for everyone.  It made my mom nervous because he was spending so much money.  But he wanted to do this. 
I noticed the physical changes during that time.  Something was happening again.  He was beginning to look different.  And he was getting weaker.  I knew our time was limited with him.  But I needed a break.
Although me and my brothers are around for the holidays, New Years is a different story.  We usually hang out with our own friends.  I knew that it would be wrong to do this to my mom, but I needed a moment to just be myself.  I felt so selfish.  It was hard seeing him like this.  It was hard seeing my mom care for him.  I figured I'll throw the idea out there and see if she needed me around.  My brothers had their own plans.  But I'm the daughter.  Daughters are different.
I was invited to a house party (which I liked because I didn't want to be at some overpriced, super packed nightclub).  I wanted to be with my close friends.  Plus it was freezing that night.  Definitely did not want to hop around. 
I called up my mom and asked her what was she planning on doing for the night.  She had just made dinner and her husband was sleeping.  He's been sleeping a lot lately.  And then she dropped the bomb.  She was laid off from work.
I grew furious!  Who does such a thing to an employee on New Year's Eve?  My heart sank as well.  I grew so worried.  What about the bills??  What about her mortgage??
She asked me what was my agenda for the evening and I told I was invited to a house party.  A Russian house party.  They were going to have champagne and caviar and crepes.  Supposedly it's a Russian tradition on New Year's Eve. 
She was excited for me.  But I confessed that I felt I should be with them.  "Go to your party", she insisted.  "I was just going to make dinner and head to bed myself.  There's nothing going on over here.  I don't really care for New Years."
I went to the party.  It was nice.  Unfortunately, I felt so out of place.  I didn't want to bring in the new year like this.  Feeling worried and unsure about the future.  My nerves were getting the best of me.  I wanted to try to look happy at least, but none of my friends really knew how miserable I was feeling.
Luckily, I DO have great friends.  With the nights festivities, we ate cream cheese and crepes dipped with caviar!  It was something so new to me, I loved every minute of it!  We played Cards Against Humanity.  Whenever I grew nervous, I would shut down for a moment, only to be pulled back into having more champagne and appetizers. 
I don't think my friends will ever know how grateful I was for them being there and for also just letting me be.  They knew times were tough, so they knew how to back down and not overcrowd me, but at that same time, check up on me from time to time to see if I was ok.  I'm blessed to have them in my life.  I'm a very lucky woman... 

Everyone was to bring a bottle of champagne!  Check out that selection...

Caviar with crepes along with butter and cream cheese!

Me and my girl.  We both had a tough year...

Cards Against Humanity!  Perfect chilled New Year's Eve with friends...