Throwback Thursday to my BIRTHDAY!!!

One of the things that bother me about my birthday (besides getting older) is the fact that it falls in June.  Although I DO love the summer, it is a gentle reminder that half the year has gone by.  Up to this point in 2015, my mom was taking care of her sick husband, who eventually passes away, resulting in her depression.  Yeah, so far I wasn't enjoying this year.  I was trying my hardest to get out of this funk.  My mom went into therapy with the suggestion of her doctor, but soon quit after a few weeks.  I wasn't expecting her to quit so soon.  I really wanted her to talk to someone about her emotions, mostly because I was feeling depressed myself.  I couldn't help her feel better.  I was failing.  I was not good at this.
It was a tough situation to be in because I saw no way out.  All I could do was try to visit my mom once a week, as well as call her every night to make sure she's ok.  I felt my brothers weren't doing enough to help me deal with her.  I felt I was taking it all in more than them, and it was making me upset.  I needed some time for myself. 
I joined my Firm's softball team.  I needed to do something to keep my mind busy and not have to worry so much.  They've been asking me for years to join, mostly because they need players badly.  I'm terrible when it comes to sports, but I agreed to do it. 
I learned a lot about sportsmanship.  I also learned I should have been doing this a long time ago.  When you're in a team, you NEED TO WORK TOGETHER, and a lot of people have a hard time doing this.  They don't "play nice".  I loved our pep talks before each game, as well as our talks afterwards recapping the plays.  We supported one another, and it's something I needed at the time.
I am doing the best that I can, given the situation at hand.  I tried my hardest not to let my teammates down.  And if we lose, we got another shot at it next time.  Plain and simple.  It reflected what I was feeling with my mom, and it made me feel better.  Not to mention, swinging a bat whenever you are mad at the world DID was pretty therapeutic.  There's no doubt about that. 
So once my birthday came knocking on my door, my friends wanted to do something special for me.  I just wanted to hangout with them and catch up, but they insisted on taking me out to dinner.  We went to Sunda and had sushi and then afterwards, went all over the place.  lol.  We stopped by Hubbard Inn, then finished off at Room 7 for some non-stop dancing.  I loved my birthday!  I forgot all my troubles and just focused on me for one night.  It was perfect.  I don't think my friends understand how much it meant to me.  Especially now with our busy schedules, it's getting harder and harder for us to get together.  The one thing that does matter is that we check up on one another from time to time.  If you wonder how someone's doing, give them a call or a friendly text!  You never know if they need a little pick me up.   

Wearing my birthday-gift-to-myself

Good times at Sunda!

Hubbard Inn for some champagne!

The next day we headed down to the Taste of Randolph fest!

Goofing around while waiting for the rain to stop...

Found a birthday party to crash ...

Another birthday wish...

LOVED my flowers and balloon!

March Madness Part 5

Looking back on March, I had many ups and downs.  My mom went back to work and was having a hard time adjusting.  Her doctor suggested she go see a therapist which made me feel horrible.  I was hoping she was handling things better.  After all, she did just lose her husband.  How else was she suppose to act?  But her everyday life was becoming a struggle to make it through the day.  She felt she had no purpose.  What was the point in anything now?  As much as it bothered me about her going to therapy, I had to put my thoughts aside and recognize that she did need this.  She needed to talk to someone who was better suited with depression, and they did prescribe her some medication.  I was hesitant about that as well, mostly because she is in her 60s and I did not like how she acted when she was on them.  She was not her normal self.  She was heavily medicated.  I cried every night as if I lost my mother for good.  Luckily they prescribed her medication short term, and eventually she grew tired of going all the way downtown for her sessions.  She quit therapy in a few short weeks.
Do I think she still needs therapy?  I'm not sure.  Yes, things are better now, mostly because time helped with that.  I try to call her every night to make sure she does not feel lonely.  My family has stepped up and tried to make sure they visit her as often as they can.  She keeps herself busy doing work around the house and keeping her dog company. 
Finishing up the month of March, I had yet ANOTHER birthday party to go to in the middle of the week.  I loved the fact that we had a good turn out.  It was nice to catch up to our friend who recently came back from Mexico with his girlfriend.  And then we celebrated my dad's birthday at his place.  His wife cooked a wonderful meal and we all had a good time.  Despite the loss we had with my mom's husband, we still have a father who was turning 70 years old!  We need to celebrate those precious moments with each other.  On Palm Sunday I went to church with my friends and we headed down to Chinatown to have brunch.  I felt blessed to have spent time with my loved ones...

Girl in the purple always arrives at the last minute.  Better late than never!

Happy birthday friend!

 

Happy birthday Pop!

Good times with the family...

Chinatown brunch for Palm Sunday!

I love my friend's family!  They always have a smile on their face!

March Madness Part 4

After celebrating St. Patrick's Day with my friends, I had a baby shower to attend the next day.  It was held at the Ukrainian Village Cultural Center.  I have to admit, I was a bit hungover, so I arrived a little late.  I was glad to see my former roommate and her family.  I lived with her many years ago, but we still keep in touch from time to time.  It was nice to see everyone doing well.  I finally felt better after I ate some food.  I ended up joining in with the fun activities.  Baby showers can be so much fun if you can get everyone to participate in the games!

Sitting in for some goofy pics!

My girlfriend is expecting twins!

My former roommate and her son.  My has he grown!

 



The following week was a tough one for me personally.  It was suggested by my mom's doctor that she goes see a therapist.  My heart sank when she told me over the phone.  For some reason, I was hoping what my mom was going through was "normal" and that things were going to get better soon.  But hearing those words from her made me realize that she was not handling his passing well.  She was having trouble sleeping at night.  She now was working but felt overwhelmed at times.  I would talk to her on the evenings to see how she was holding up, but sometimes she told me things that would break my heart.  Her pain was deep and I was helpless.
I told my friends what was going on, and they seemed optimistic about therapy.  They looked at it as a positive thing.  I was having a hard time seeing it that way, but looking back I was emotionally drained.  I couldn't feel optimistic about anything.  I missed my old life.  Feelings of guilt would rush in from time to time.    Even though I would escape by hanging out with my friends, I would come home feeling incredibly guilty.  How could I be so selfish when my mother was suffering?  I didn't know what I was suppose to do, suppose to feel, suppose to act.  I would look at my younger brothers and felt they weren't around as much.  I needed them to step in and check up on my mom more often.  I was getting angry at them because I was handling her breakdowns on my own.  "Well, you know how guys are," my friends would tell me.  What was that suppose to mean?  I'm the daughter so it's my job emotionally to be there for her?  I couldn't comprehend.
I went out with my friends for dinner one night to catch up on things when our other friend texted us to see if we wanted to go out.  Fedde Le Grand was playing at Parliament nightclub right down the street.  I jumped up and got excited.  I forgot how if felt to get excited about anything.  I LOVE dance music, and he was definitely a good dj to see.  Unfortunately I was the only one up for it, so I met up with my friend.  I had fun dancing.  I almost forgot how miserable I was earlier in the week.  Sometimes you need these breaks to take away the pain from time to time.  It won't change your situation, but it does remind you how wonderful life can be...sometimes.

Got a chance to say goodbye to a friend before she headed off to China for work!

We don't know the girl in the middle but she was fun...

Fedde Le Grand playing in the background.  I had fun dancing that night...